


(Un)matchmaking

by Leptailurus



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied Fareeha "Pharah" Amari/Angela "Mercy" Ziegler - Freeform, Making Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-18 18:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 38,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9398498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leptailurus/pseuds/Leptailurus
Summary: Zarya is quite an active woman with lots of lesbian 'conquests'. However, when a little scientist joins her team at Overwatch and she falls head over heels for her, Tracer and Mercy sense their chance to finally hook Zarya up with something more stable.  Mercy eventually gets second thoughts, fearing that Overwatch's sweet and kind Mei might get hurt in the process.However, it is Zarya who ends up getting hurt....(The story is fully written and will be uploaded in chapters over time.)





	1. Zarya 1.0

“No joke – he’s being doing it for thirty years. And I was thinking, man, that’s dedication and-“ 

Tracer stops in mid-sentence and looks at the door where Zarya has just stepped in. “Holy bananas, you have like one, two, thr--- _seven_ hickeys. And that’s just the ones I can see!”

Zarya shrugs dismissively. “Things got a little wild at the gym, but if you divide it by women, it’s only three and a half hickeys each.”

I turn to take a look at Zarya myself. She is standing in the doorway and just as Tracer said, there are very familiar little marks on her neck and her naked shoulders. “You know, I refuse to treat you for STDs, if you are going at it at this rate.”

“Eh, I am quite fine, thank you,” Zarya replies without missing a beat.

“Maybe you should keep one some time,” Tracer suggests. “Might be more convenient.”

Zarya shakes her head with a frown. “That’s not part of the deal. And these women are pretty but very ordinary and superficial. They are much fun, but nothing for keeps.”

Tracer is obviously intrigued by this talk and prods further. “What do you mean by ordinary?”

“You know – all the same body type – slim, stretched hourglasses with B or C-cups and ponytails. And they have all the same interests. Fashion, calories, hair styles, fancy dinners and jogging. Nothing that they are really passionate about.”

Tracer chuckles. “But yet _you_ are the one picking them out, Zarya.”

She smirks at that. “Having a bit of fun is also part of their interests,” she explains with a wink. “Who am I to stop them from giving me a good time?”

“So, what’cha want for keeps?” Lena interrogates her further.

“Someone with more depth – with passion.” She looks straight at me with a teasing grin. “But Mercy doesn’t want me, I already tried. It is such a shame – she’s all passionate with her medic thing, she is intelligent and she can fire a gun. What’s more to want?”

“I also look exactly like all the gym girls you just described,” I remind her.

“Eh,” she shrugs. “Minor flaw. I can live with that.”

“That has got to be the worst way anyone has ever hit on me,” I laugh.

“See? The smart ones just don’t want me, Lena. It’s my curse!” Zarya chuckles. “So I am just having fun right now. So far, no one has complained about getting a piece of this.” She flexes her biceps, making me and Tracer laugh.

Winston appears behind Zarya and he is obviously excited. “You all have to see this!” he yells and squeezes past Zarya (who nearly stumbles as she is shoved aside).

“Oi! What’s up, big guy?” Tracer exclaims with confusion as he hastily grabs the remote and switches the TV on, swiftly zapping through channels until he finds the news.

_“Supposedly the researchers were formerly affiliated with the group ‘Overwatch’, specifically their environmental and scientific projects. The research facility was hit by a blizzard shortly before the Petras Act was put into place that declared Overwatch a criminal organization. According to a spokesperson, the scientists inside the facility used specialized containers to put themselves into a suspended state by cryo-freezing their bodies. We will have more information on this procedure shortly.”_

Tracer climbs over the back of the sofa and sits down next to Winston. “Wowza. It must have been years since Overwatch was mentioned in the eight o’clock news.”

Zarya strolls over and sits down as well, taking the big arm chair to my right. We are all staring at the screen to find out what happening, what the news speaker is going to say about us and whether any rumors of the fact that Overwatch is basically reforming itself in the underground have yet surfaced.

_“Our latest information is that a single survivor has been found within facility. This has just been confirmed by a police spokesman. Let me switch over to my colleague Laurence Peters who is in Antarctica right now to find out more. Laurence, are you there?”_

The image switches to a man dressed in thick, high-tech winter clothing in front of an icy landscape, wind tearing on his hood and his microphone. I can barely make out a building in the dark area behind him.

_“Thank you, Sybill. I am actually in Harley, about 600 kilometers north of where the iced in facility was discovered two days ago. Behind me is the Harely General Hospital which is an internationally operated building and literally the nearest medical facility to the research site and supposedly the location of the only survivor that was rescued yesterday.”_

The image of the reporter shrinks to make room for the studio speaker on a separate panel next to him. _“Laurence, can you tell us more about the research station that was discovered and what exactly happened there?”_

_“Yes, I can. I had the incredible luck to speak to one of the rescuers earlier and he told me that a group of biologists, looking for penguins, discovered a handful of large metal containers surrounded by ice. As we now know, this facility used to be operated by Overwatch under the name ‘Ecopoint Antarctica’ for the purpose of research on unusual climatic phenomena. Apparently, a blizzard in 2065 forced the researchers to go into artificial hibernation. Altogether, there were six scientists stationed in the facility at the time.”_

_“The question that comes to mind immediately is why these researchers weren’t rescued after the blizzard had subsided. Do you have anything on that?”_

_“At this point, these are just speculations, but due to Overwatch ceasing activities and the destruction of important documents during an explosion at the Overwatch headquarters in Switzerland, it may well be that any records of these research activities were accidentally destroyed and that the members killed in the explosion might have been the only ones aware of the fact that this branch of climatology was active at the time of the disbandment of the group.”_

_“What do you know about the person who was rescued from the facility?”_

_“Eye witnesses agree that a woman was brought in yesterday after the rescue team arrived here at the Harley General Hospital in a helicopter. At this point it is not entirely clear whether or not she is indeed a member of the scientific team that was stationed at the research facility in 2065 or just an expedition member of one of the groups that are currently working in Antarctica - or what state she is in. However, if she is from the facility, she must have been in suspended animation for almost 9 years. While experts agree that this is theoretically possible, many also strongly suggest that a cryo-station would not be likely to run securely in extreme weather without supervision for such a long time.”_

_“Thank you for your input, Laurence. Please keep us updated.”_

The man fades from the screen and the studio reporter’s image takes over. _“We will keep an eye on new developments in this case. In the meantime, our technical team has put together some information about the history of ‘Overwatch’ and the aspects and functions of cryo-freezing in the modern world.”_

All four of us are looking at the screen with a touch of nervousness, wondering what kind of reputation will be conveyed to the viewers about Overwatch. I am surprised the little film manages to stay relatively neutral on Overwatch’s turbulent past and relieved that Winston’s recall efforts have not been picked up by the media yet.

“Did you know about this place, Winston?” Tracer asks when the little informative film on cryo-freezing is done and the news turn to other, less interesting subjects.

“I had heard about it in passing, yes. I did not know much of anything about it, and I certainly had no idea people were still there when the Petras Act was put into place.”

“I wonder who that woman is who survived this,” I add to the conversation. “This can’t be easy on her at all. 9 years of being basically dead only to be woken and find out everything around you has changed.”

“Oh… yeah. That would suck,” Tracer frowns.

_“Ladies and Gentlemen, we have just received an update on the Antarctica situation. Let us cut back to Laurence Peters. Laurence, are you there?”_

_“Hello Sybill. I am still here at the hospital and we have just received the information that the woman brought in earlier is indeed a member of the research team that was stationed at the Overwatch-run climatology station in 2065, namely a researcher named Mei-Ling Zhou who came to Antarctica from Lijiang University, ten years ago at the age of 21. Hospital staff has just reassured me that the lady is in remarkably good health and just being kept in the hospital for surveillance.”_

_“Thank you, Laurence. Our tech team has just informed me that we are still trying to obtain a picture of the scientist at this time.”_

“Wow… it’s Mei,” I gasp.

“You knew that scientist?” Zarya asks. “From being in Overwatch?”

“Yes,” I reply. “And not just me – Winston, do you remember that big conference where they put all branches of Overwatch together for three days to update each other on current events? She’s that girl with the glasses who went to the bar with us on day two.”

A look of realization dawns on Winston’s face. “We were talking about science all night,” he recalls. “She was very interested in your work, too. That must have been right before she deployed to Antarctica.”

I intend to keep recalling information about Mei-Ling Zhou with Winston, but the news speaker interrupts us with a blurry image of her and additional information that she has agreed to be interviewed in two days. I do recognize her from the grainy photo that apparently has been cropped from a larger group image.

We all agree to meet up again when the interview comes on. I can see in Winston’s face that he feels guilty for not realizing that six of his former team mates and fellow researchers were in peril and might have needed his help. Tracer is immediately upon him to get him off such silly thoughts.


	2. Mei 1.0

Mei’s appearance on air has been scheduled for an evening talk show on the same channel we had watched the news on only two days prior. As we get ready to watch the interview, Jack joins us, taking over the arm chair before Zarya can. I have since learned that Jack not only remembers Mei, he also knew about the station in Antarctica, but had assumed that the end of Overwatch had included vacating and closing the place. 

I am squeezing onto the sofa with Lena; Winston and Aleksandra are to our sides. I’m like the piece of cheese wedged into a sandwich. Lena and I must look pretty funny as we are sitting there between two of the largest members of our team.

The host gives a short overview over the developments in Antarctica over the last three days and then introduces Mei-Ling Zhou as a special guest. Applause rises as Mei walks onto the stage, red-cheeked and looking incredibly tiny – but so lively. She is wrapped very warmly but otherwise looking perfectly normal, very much alive and not at all like she has basically woken from the dead. She shakes hands with the host and sits on a chair next to her, a tiny table in front of them.

 _“Thank you for joining us tonight,”_ the host says.

 _“It is my pleasure,”_ she replies with a sweet smile.

_“How are you, Miss Zhou? You have just come out of quite an ordeal.”_

Mei’s amber eyes are bright and smart. She is obviously very nervous, gripping the sides of the chair, but she is playing over it just nicely. _“I am doing fine, thank you. Just a little tired. I have spent a lot of time lately trying to catch up on recent history. I seem to have a few gaps.”_ The studio audience chuckles and I am amazed that this woman is already joking about having lost 9 years of her life.

 _“Would you like to introduce yourself to our audience, maybe?”_ The host offers and gestures at the camera pointed at them.

Mei raises an arm and waves in the most adorable way. Thanks to the cryo-freeze she still looks like she is 22 at most, even though she must be over 30 by now. _“Hi. I am Mei, a climate researcher, specializing in ice formation, cold weather phenomena and global cold front movements. I’m an alumni of Lijiang University and have performed intense investigations on the impact the global climate has on Antarctic ice and snow. Our research was put to a halt during a snow storm that hit the facility in 2065 and forced us to undergo an extended cryo-freeze.”_

She turns back to the host to signal she is done.

_“Miss Zhou – of course the question that everyone wants to ask is – what happened at Ecopoint Antarctica and how did you get out of it?”_

_“Our research team was surprised by a blizzard that trapped us with very few resources. So we opted to cryo-freeze ourselves to be rescued by Overwatch when the blizzard was gone.”_

_“But that help never came.”_

_“This is true - the timing was so unfortunate that Overwatch was ended before our disappearance was noticed. Due to unforeseen circumstance, records of our team’s whereabouts were lost.”_

_“Yet, four days ago, someone did find you, correct?”_

_“Yes. I was lucky to be found by another team of researchers who then did everything in their power to get a rescue team to us that was equipped to take us out of the freeze. Sadly, after so many years of being in extended use in temperatures that ranged below the freezing point, the cryo pods of the other researchers had ceased functioning over time, so that only I could be rescued.”_ Mei takes a sip of water and then sits back again. She is being professional about explaining the situation, more like scientist than some kind of adventurer who has gone through something unimaginable.

_“According to our information, you have been cryostasis for 8 years and 10 months. Now, I can hardly imagine what that feels like.”_

Mei actually chuckles. _“It feels like nothing,”_ she clarifies. _“I wasn’t aware of time passing since I was not really alive. It’s not very spectacular, actually.”_

The host raises her eyebrows. _“Not that spectacular? You are talking about this so light-heartedly, but what is it like to learn that nearly a decade has passed without you being there. That must be a shock.”_ The host is obviously trying to get more of an emotional reaction out of Mei for the story, but the scientist is not having it.

 _“It’s like a time jump,”_ she explains very calmly, her nervousness fleeting. I have the feeling she feels more comfortable being a scientist than a news story. _“For me, all this happened in a few moments of awareness, but now I of course have a lot to catch up on. Many things that have happened in the last 9 years and I do not quite understand everything yet.”_

 _“Yet, you are the one who gets the chance to do catch up with that. It seems you are the only one from that team in a position to do so. How does that make you feel?”_ The host is not willing to give up yet, prodding for something tragic.

_“I was very lucky that my pod lasted longer than those of my colleagues. Of course that is by pure chance and I could as well have died with them or it could have been someone else in my place.” Mei stays calm and she looks as friendly and sweet as ever. The questions sure would vex me - the interviewer is reckless at best, considering what Mei has gone through._

_“Were you sad to learn that no one else survived this besides you? Were you relieved to be the one who made it through this?”_

She contemplates the thought of a moment. _“Of course I was sad. I have a chance to continue my life with just a little delay and they cannot come along with me. But I also understand that this my opportunity to continue what we had started in Antarctica so that our efforts are not lost. The people might be gone, but by surviving I have partially preserved their hopes and ideals.”_

_“So you actually **want** to go back to your previous occupation, in spite of this certainly **very** traumatic experience?”_

_“Of course, it is my job. Just because something happened to me does not mean the earth stopped turning. Instead, almsot a decade has passed us and our troubles with climatic catastrophes have intensified. This work has become more important than ever and there are still ambitious people out there who are trying to help find ways to stabilize our planet’s climate. I only ever wanted to be one of these people and that has not changed.”_

_“I admire your dedication, Mei,”_ the host compliments her. _“I think I’d be cowering in some corner wondering how to deal with this overwhelming situation,”_ she says and laughs awkwardly.

“I am starting to really dislike this person,” Tracer exclaims. 

Mei just gently smiles back at the show’s host. _“It’s a bit overwhelming, I admit. But I have always decided to accept reality for what it is – and my reality now is that it is 2076 and I am here, even though I was not for a while. I think the most strenuous thing might be that people keep asking my opinion on events and developments of the last 9 years, but I do not have the full picture yet. I cannot comment on so many things, but I am working on changing that”_

 _“I bet that is quite hard on you,”_ the host replies and my dislike for her grows. _“What are these things people keep asking you about?”_

Wow... didn't Mei just say she did _not_ want to be asked about that?

Mei is still very collected. _“I am being asked about Overwatch a lot and my thoughts on the Petras Act. For me, this is a difficult question. The last thing I knew is that Overwatch was a thriving organization working for the good in this world. Now people are telling me they turned for the worse and it’s difficult to integrate this information into the picture I have of Overwatch and its former members, such as the researchers at Ecopoint Antarctica, and others I have met, like Dr. Ziegler, Mr. Winston and Mrs. Ana Amari, who – as I have heard – is unfortunately among the now deceased members of the group.”_

Lena whacks me hard on the shoulder (and hearing Winston grunt, I guess she whacked him, too). “She remembers you, guys!”

“Yes. And now they are telling her we are terrorists,” I frown.

“Maybe we need to tell her otherwise.” Lena suggests. “She does not seem to want to accept that public opinion just yet!”

“She will hardly be reachable to us or anyone,” I muse. “If they gave out her contact information, she’d be run over by reporters and I doubt any old contact data is still valid. It will be difficult convincing her of our good intentions if we cannot talk to her.”

On screen, the host attempts to engage Mei in a conversation about the past decade and what she has already learned about it. Mei stays friendly, but insists that she is not in a position to comment and would like to gather more information before stating any opinions. For the first time, I sense the slightest hint of irritation in her, but she stays very friendly and professional, regardless.

 _“Alright, I get your point,”_ the host admits, finally backing off. _“Let’s talk about your family and friends then – I mean, from what I understand and see you have physically not aged while in suspension. It must be strange and hard on you to suddenly be ten years too young for any familiar faces around you.”_

 _“Thank you so much for your concern,”_ Mei states with a kind smile. I think at this point, I would have exploded already - Mei's entire life must be upside down and this woman is chattily asking how it feels to have basically lost lifetime with you family and friends. _“You are of course right that in a suspended state, all physical activity – including aging – ceases. As I said, I feel a little like I have taken a jump through a time machine, which is both fascinating and a little scary. I have, at this point, not met up with anyone too familiar, but I would not feel comfortable discussing this particular topic anyway.”_

I want to applaud for her. Mei just gracefully set her limits and she _still_ looks very sweet and kind with bright, intelligent eyes lurking out from behind her black rimmed glasses.

“Ha! I know what time jumping feels like!” Tracer declares cheerfully. “Though nine years seems like a bit much without being able to revert or randomly come back!”

_“So, what are your immediate plans for the next few days?”_

_“Oh! I absolutely want to try and contact a few people and catch up on news that might be less impactful to the world, but important to me personally. I also want to take a few days to take a hike or two and enjoy this beautiful planet we are living on.”_

The host smiles but it does not seem too genuine to me. I think she might not have gotten the kind of reactions out of Mei that she had been fishing for and it annoys her. _“That sounds like a great idea. But when you say you want to contact people, does this include former members of Overwatch?”_

 _“We will see,”_ Mei just answers, evading any details. _“I also want to visit the families of the five great people that have lost their lives at Ecopoint Antarctica. I have been given temporary custody of some personal things that I would like to pass on to these families. I feel their loss deeply and I hope I can bring them some comfort.”_

“That is very nice of you – but shouldn’t you also think about taking care of yourself at this time?”

_“Everyone is so concerned about me, but I am the lucky one. I am able to embrace life and enjoy all the things that are out there, when others are not. The true heroes are those men and women who very literally gave their lives because they wanted to help us preserve the earth. I can think of nothing more fulfilling to do than honor their passion and work by doing the best I can to keep their vision alive.”_

The audience in the studio burst into applause. Mei seems a little surprised by that, but after a moment of shock she catches herself and smiles. It’s impossible to hear over the noise level, but her lips form a soft ‘thanks’ before the applause eventually dies down.

_“Miss Zhou, we have time for one more question. Is there anything you would like to say to the audience today?”_

Mei nods. _“Yes. Please get out, go into nature and look at how beautiful it is. Some may say we have hurt this planet and they may be right, but it has not yet lost its beauty. And I think when enjoying a forest, a meadow or great mountain, maybe people can appreciate why those researches that died at Ecopoint Antarctica were so willing to work hard to preserve the earth and keep it habitable for all being on it. I want everyone to take responsibility for our home and for its future.”_

_“What a very nice sentiment. Thank you, Miss Mei-Ling Zhou. It was a pleasure meeting you and I have the feeling we will not see the last of you, yet.”_

_“Thank you for inviting me to your show,”_ Mei replies as she gets up. The audience claps for her and the short scientist waves to them and the camera before leaving the studio stage.

“That’s some dedication there!” Tracer chimes in when the host turns to other topics. “And such cheerful dedication!”

“Really,” I admit. “You’d think she would be traumatized, shocked or something, but her positivity is so genuine. What an incredible way to meet such a challenging past.”

“She’s always been very positive,” Jack cuts in. “It was also attitude that helped her getting picked for Antarctica, among other things. At least that’s what I remember hearing.”

Winston pushes his glasses up his nose. “I am glad she wants to continue. I remember more and more of the conversations I have had with her and she seemed to have a firm grasp on her research interests and the complicated science behind it. She is going to do good work.”

“You reckon she’s gonna try and contact any of you?” Tracer asks excitedly. “I mean she needs to find a place to pick up on her work somehow!”

Jack rubs over his chin. “We might be just as hard to contact for her as she is for us. And maybe she will come to the same conclusion about us as the United Nations did. That is always a possibility. All we can do is wait, I think. Any other research organization will be happy to recruit her, anyway.”

“You may be right. But we can still try and get a message to her,” I suggest. “She obviously remembers us.” I look over to Zarya. “What do you think, Zarya? I know you did not know her, but what’s your impression so far?”

Zarya looks at me with big eyes, as if I had just caught her stealing. “She is _so_ cute!” she says eventually and her cheeks turn to a warm, red shade.

I look at Tracer who is looking from Zarya to me and we both burst out laughing.


	3. Love 1.0

“If you polish these any longer, they will be gone at some point,” I suggest to Pharah, who is still rubbing her boots in the dutiful ways of a true soldier. She has been doing this for at least forty minutes.

“It feels satisfying,” she replies with that light smile in her voice and turns the boot in her hand. “Give me yours and I will polish those instead.”

“If I do that, you will soon have a whole cavalry of shoes lined up next to you because everyone here loves the boot-shine service happy hour. I’d rather save you from that.”

“Save your saves for saving me on the battlefield,” she chuckles and grabs the other boot, even though that is already super shiny.

At that moment, Winston swings himself through the door frame and then lingers there for a moment, completely blocking the path.

“I have a surprise for you!” he announced with much excitement.

“Oh, I love surprises!” I reply eagerly. “What is it?!”

He walks in and steps aside to reveal...

“Mei!” I yell out in happy surprise as I see her standing there in the corridor, a shy smile on her face, her hand raised in greeting. “It is so good to see you!”

“It is good to see you, too, Dr. Ziegler,” she replies. Then her gaze wanders over to Pharah and her eyes go wide in recognition. “Oh, and it’s so good to see you! We have barely met, but I remember you stopped by at the conference to pick up your mother!” She walks over and stops awkwardly. “I just… don’t- I’m so sorry - what was your name again?”

Pharah smiles at her. “Fareeha, but they call my Pharah now. It is nice to meet you. Lately, everyone has been talking so much about you.”

“Yes,” I confirm. “The news of your sudden rescue caused quite a buzz here.”

Mei looks at me and giggles. “Sudden?! That does not seem to be the right word.”

“Well,... maybe ‘surprising’ is the better one,” I admit.

“So, where is everyone? Reinhardt? Gabriel? Torbjörn?”

“Uhh… things with Gabriel are a little complicated… but the other two are not here at this time. Tracer is around, though I am not sure you have ever met in person. And there a few new faces.”

Mei blinks at me with confusion. “New faces? But – Overwatch is gone, right?”

Winston clears his throat. “Uhm… officially… but Athena and I just initiated a recall because… well… the world needs improvement on many ends, not only when it comes to climate change. And after all, Overwatch was always intended for creating a better world. I don’t see why we should not stay true to that aim, whatever we call ourselves.”

Mei seems excited by that idea. “I will definitely want to help!” she declares. “I think I might know a few ways to help with a good cause.”

There is some commotion in the corridor – a woman’s giggle and a door shutting. Moments later, Zarya emerges with a clear lipstick print on her shirt. She walks in and first of all notices Pharah who has returned to shining her already shiny boots.

“Ah, a good soldier always has clean shoes. Very good,” she compliments Pharah.

I gesture at the pink-haired muscle-woman. “And here is one of the new faces. This Aleksandra Zaryanova. Zarya – this ”

“Wow!” Mei comments with large eyes. “You are tall!”

It is only at that moment that Zarya even realizes Mei is in the room. To my vast surprise, a look of utter shock crosses her face, then her cheeks turn slightly red – but she extends her hand. “Nice to meet you… uhm… Miss Mei.”

Pharah and I chuckle.

“The pleasure is all mine, Miss Aleksandra.”

“Uhm… Zarya is fine," Zarya mumbles back.

Those two just look too funny together. Zarya is being uncharacteristically awkward and towering way above Mei – if either of them were to take a step forward, Mei’s face would land right between Zarya’s boobs.

“Mei, what do you think – I’ll get Tracer and whoever else wants to come and we’re all going out to dinner tonight to celebrate your visit here? We can fill you in on all sorts of things and you can get to know more people like Lúcio and D.va.”

Mei beams at me. “That is a fantastic idea.”


	4. Matchmaking 1.0

Mei is absolutely thrilled to meet the news members of the recalled Overwatch. Even though she has just emerged back into our world weeks ago, she has already picked up on the celebrity status of Lúcio and D.va and is excitedly discussing music and movies with them. It turns out Mei is a big fan of all things Hollywood, from movies to shows and she begs us to not spoil too much for her. Obviously, in nine years, she has missed a lot of episodes from a lot of TV series she liked and she is completely determined to watch all of them and catch up. I wonder whether I can get the other guys to chip in to get her some kind of subscription that allows her to access all those shows of hers.

Winston and I fill Mei in on our side of the Overwatch story when she asks, but all of us restrain ourselves about prodding her about what she has gone through unless she volunteers anything herself. She talks fondly about the researchers she has met and lost. When she asks anything about the past 9 years, I realize that she has put a lot of effort into getting her knowledge filled in – a lot of things she asks are clarifications on the details and the order of events.

“So, the second wave of omnic attacks struck several places at once?”

“Oh yes. I am sure Zarya can tell you about it the best as it hit Russia really hard.”

Mei’s gaze darts over to Zarya who has been listening a lot this evening and contributed little. Now she puts down her fork and looks at me, then Mei. “Russia was at the heart of these attacks,” she explains. “At the time, I was preparing to compete in the Olympics, but this seemed more important.”

Mei looks at her with a wave of fascination. "Olympics?!"

“Zarya literally is the strongest woman in the world. She is holding the weight lifting record,” I clarify for Mei.

“Oh, really, Zarya?” Mei responds with excitement. “That is so cool. All of this is so amazing – you have celebrities, musicians and even sports champions with you these days. I am so happy to see everyone come together to help.”

I chuckle. “Zarya is more a sport champion turned war icon for her home country.”

The pink-haired Russian waves her hand dismissively. “I did not care for that so much. I was trying to be there for my country, not become a hero. And those posters are a bit over the top.”

“Don’t be so humble!” Tracer cuts in. “You were an inspiration to many.”

Zarya chuckles. “Especially to the weight lifter who won the Olympics in my stead.”

Everyone giggles, even Mei. “You could not have done both, I suppose?” she asks curiously.

“No. Russia was facing a very imminent threat,” Zarya explains. “I did not hesitate for a moment. Sport events are fun and I love challenges, but real life and keeping everyone safe is always the more pressing cause.”

“It was big news when Zarya announced retreating from the Olympics,” D.va supplies. “She was handled as a sure win for Russia.”

Zarya waves her hand dismissively again. “Ach. It was a momentary fuss among many other news that were important at the time,” she explains to Mei. “I’m sure you won’t even remember my name popping up anywhere in the news.”

I abruptly turn my head to look at Zarya in shock. Did she just…? Everyone’s eyes are upon her and for a moment she does not even notice the attention, but the sudden silence at the table ends up feeling odd to her after all.

“Zarya. Mei was frozen at the time,” I remind her carefully. “She won’t remember anything of any news from then.” There, I said it, before things could get even more awkward.

Zarya’s face turns two shades darker and she stares at Mei. “I am so sorry! I should not have said that!” she bursts out with an air of utter embarrassment.

Mei blinks at the tall woman and then starts giggling. “It’s alright,” she replies light-heartedly. “It is so refreshing to not be viewed as ‘the woman who was gone for nine years’. Thank you!”

Zarya still looks like she wants to hide under the table, but now everyone is laughing with Mei and the momentary tension subsides. Even Zarya manages to awkwardly chime in, relieved her little mistake did not amount to a social catastrophe.

Winston turns the conversation to a completely new direction – he has realized that Mei has missed out on Nobel Prizes and scientific break throughs and is busily filling her in on the latest developments. Mei is sucking that information up with much interest, her attention glued to our smart ape-friend. Winston seems to get increasingly more excited when he realizes that he has really caught Mei’s interest and their conversation turns quite sophisticated – much to the confusion of everyone else at the table who has to give up on following their conversation. Little, smaller conversations ensue so that Mei and Winston can have their nerdy moment.

I look at Zarya who is still watching Mei. I doubt she understands any more than most of us do about what they are talking about – but I also doubt that her interest is directed at the conversation topic. She tears her eyes away eventually and eats, looking at her plate. Even though Jack and Lúcio are talking across the table right next to her, she does not seem to want to chime in.

I get up. “I’ll be right back,” I excuse myself. “I think I had too much of the specialty tea.” I throw a gaze at Tracer and subtly nod my head in the direction of the restrooms.

“Right! Good plan!” Lena announces and gets up as well, following me past the other customers and to the back of the restaurant.

I stop in the small corridor in front of the restrooms and turn around to face her. “Lena, I have never seen Zarya like this!” I giggle with a lot of excitement. “We have got to get her and Mei together.”

She snorts out a giggle. “Blimey! She is head over heels for her!” She sends a meaningful glance at the door through which we came. “Do you think there’s a chance? Do you know anything about Mei’s interests?”

“No,” I admit with much displeasure. “We really have to find out. And quickly.”

“Mission accepted!” Tracer replies with a playful salute. Then we do a silly little high-five to make our deal official.


	5. Matchmaking 2.0

“Good morning, Mei,” I greet the short scientist. “What’s that smell? Chocolate?”

She waves at me through the open kitchen door. “Hot chocolate. You are so kind to let me stay here for a little, I thought I could surprise you with breakfast.” She beams at me with such sweetness.

“Oh, you don’t have to do this. It’s a pleasure to offer you a place to stay,” I assure her, but I sit down at the table and look at what she has set out. The eggs and toast and butter smell delicious – as does the hot chocolate she is just filling into mugs and bringing to the table. “Wow, thank you, Mei!”

She sits down happily. “Isn’t it awesome?” she emphasizes. “I mean, it’s a little weird, but I have this sudden extreme appreciation for tasty food, warm sunshine and all things living. There was a tiny bird with a blue crest at the window this morning. He was the most beautiful thing.” Her excitement is so utterly genuine; it is making me all happy.

“Is that sudden appreciation really so strange?” I ask her with amusement. “I mean, for all the pleasant things in life. It happens to a lot of people who realize that they were close to not being alive anymore.”

She acknowledges my analysis and nods. “That does not make the feeling any less awesome.”

“And you are absolutely right to take your time to enjoy this,” I agree and bite into my toast. It’s delicious. Mei’s joy in these little things is really affecting me and I am sure I am not the only one.

“What are you up to today, Mei?”

“This morning, I am going to stop by the ocean. I really just want to take a walk by the waves. But later today, I am going to make a few calls to former colleagues. I think it is easier to talk about everything that is new than try to read up on everything on my own. I want to get back into the current science as soon as I can.”

“Your dedication is admirable, Mei,” I compliment her. “But don’t forget that no one will blame you if you take some time off and get your personal life sorted out.”

“I know – I will not forget that,” she promises. “And what are you going to do today, Mercy?”

“I actually have a longer shift at the hospital today, but Fareeha has promised to stop by and take me away for lunch. And later, I am going to pick up some teddy bears to bring to the pediatric ward for the children.”

“Oh, that is so kind of you,” Mei replies excitedly. “I am sure it helps them a lot to have a bear to love.”

I smile. “It helps all of us to have something or someone to love.”

She giggles at that. “You are so right.”

It feels like this is the most opportune moment to check out her interests and plans in that area of life, so I push her a little. “What about you, Mei? Is that also something you should include in your intensified appreciation for all things pleasurable?”

She blushes the faintest bit. “I have not thought about that yet,” she admits. “I can buy tasty ice cream and walk right into nature. I can’t really go purchase or walk into a girlfriend.”

Girlfriend. _BINGO_. I make a mental note to call Tracer as soon as Mei is out of the house.

“True. But I am sure there are ways you could win someone over, if you wanted to.”

“Uh…” she mumbles, picking up her mug and holding it close to her lips, hiding a little behind it. “What a talk…!”

“Sorry,” I chuckle. “I’ll stop it.” I got the info I wanted after all. “And this breakfast is delicious. But don’t you dare cleaning up – I’ll do it.”

\---

Tracer and I are making our plans shortly after and then put our mission into place. We start off by organizing a few people to get together at the beach, promising a little beach volley ball tournament. Both Mei and Zarya are easy enough to convince when it comes to joining us and we soon find ourselves on the sand, putting up a nice volley ball net.

“The tournament is on!” Tracer announces. “Let’s make some teams.”

Pharah grins. “I can just team up with Zarya and we will flatten you all.”

Zarya laughs. “But where is the challenge in that, Pharah?”

“You two are so full of yourselves,” I laugh. “Since we are not an even number, I suggest we rotate teams in some way or another.

“We can’t rotate everyone with everyone. That would make us have to play a tournament with 21 different groups,” Mei interjects, “If every possible group played against every other, we’d have to play 35 games. That’s a bit much.”

“Blimey, did you just do that math-thing in your head?” Lena exclaims.

Mei smiles. „It’s just a matter of factorials – 7 times 6 times –“

“Yeah, that’s enough math for me today,” Tracer interrupts her, laughing. “Just form teams, guys and I’ll just play with whoever feels like having another round.”

“Fine! I’ll play with Lúcio,” I announce.

“I’m hurt!” Pharah pouts.

“Let’s whack ‘em, Pharah!” Hana announces with a mischievous little glint. I am delighted – this is working just as planned.

“That leaves Mei and Zarya as a team,” Tracer declares observantly and tries not to look at me because our conspiracy is working out just too well and we don’t want to give ourselves away.

“Awesome,” Lúcio decides. “Come on, Mercy, let’s have a go at those two,” he says, gesturing at both Pharah and D.va and we take the ball and get to the field. I am throwing a glance at Zarya and Mei who are watching us, rather than looking at each other.

“I’ll be your referee!” Tracer decides and hops to the side of the field, leaving Mei and Zarya to stay seated together.

The battle is quite an even one and we are having lots of fun, but in the end, Pharah and Hana stand defeated. I volunteer to support Tracer against Mei and Zarya and we are taking the field.

“Okay, Mei!” Zarya yells. “Show them no mercy!”

“Hey, I take that personally!” I call back.

Mei cackles and bounces the ball on her palm. “Are you ready to be defeated?” she asks with a mischievous glint in her eyes that does not want to fit her otherwise so friendly demeanor.

“Ha! That’s a spirit of my liking!” Zarya replies and gets ready in front of the net while Mei throws the first ball.

Tracer quickly figures out how to use Mei’s shortness to her advantage, but her constant blinking also throws my game off a little. I just can't tell which attack is mine to take and which is hers. That again inspires Zarya to aim her ball directly at those spots that have me most confused.

“Hah! You did not have a chance!” Zarya brags at the end of the game.

“Ooph, I need a break!” I groan. After all this was my second consecutive game while Lúcio, Pharah and Hana got to rest.

“Fine,” Zarya announces, her battle spirit showing. “Tracer, let’s hand it to Pharah and Hana.”

“We’ll see who gets handed what!” Hana retorts and drags Pharah back onto the field. I flop down in the sand next to Mei while Lúcio counts points.

“Good game, Mei.”

“Zarya was making it easy for me,” she laughs. “I think she covers two thirds of the field while I was in my little corner.” She smiles brightly, though. “This is so much fun – thank you for suggesting it.”

I take a sip from my bottle of water and nod, watching the game. A group of girls walks by the field – slim, trained ladies with sunglasses and skimpy bathing wear. They stop and watch and eventually one of the girls waves to Zarya, calling her name. Zarya gets promptly whacked on the shoulder by a volley ball, kindly smashed in her direction by Pharah, but our Russian bear just stands and waves back in greeting, as if the ball had not even brushed her. One of the girls goes and picks it up, smiling fondly at our pink-haired lady as she hands it back.

“Oh. Zarya is popular,” Mei says and I wonder whether her seeing that is a good thing. Evidently, Zarya wonders about that, too, because her gaze shifts over to us very briefly as she gets ready for the next attack, her admirers passing the field and giggling as they leave.

“I think they are girls from the gym she goes to,” I say without elaborating it any further.

“Oh, she goes to a gym? I thought the base was well equipped…!”

I chuckle. “But she can’t show off her muscles at the base. We are all used to her looks already... and her bragging.”

Mei giggles. “I see, I see.”

Zarya and Tracer win by a narrow margin. Tracer’s swift moves are an excellent compensation for Zarya’s slower strength.

“Aw, Pharah – you lost twice already,” I tease and receive a playful glare in return. “Evidently, Lúcio was the right choice,” I say, patting those squishy dreadlocks.

“So!” Tracer exclaims before taking a drink. “That’s one for Mercy and Lúcio, one for Zarya and Mei and one for team Tracer!”

“Yepp. And zero for Pharah and Hana,” I say, rubbing it in.

“I think Mercy’s head is getting a little hot,” Pharah replies, sending an evil little glint to Hana. “She probably needs to cool down in the ocean.”

Within moments, she is upon me and grabs me under the arms. I fight and squeal, but it only takes a second, until Lúcio and Hana have grabbed my legs and start carrying me over to the waves lapping at the sand. “No! No! That is not fair! Three against one!” I yell. “Tracer! Help!”

Instead of helping me, Tracer blinks over to us and watches me struggle with much amusement as we are closing in on the water. I am screaming and giggling, trying to free myself before I can be tossed into the cold ocean, but I am helpless against their combined strength. I end up in the cold water, spluttering and screaming before I launch myself at Pharah and pull her in with me.

\---

“You can go help them, if you want. I’ll watch our stuff,” Mei says as the others drag a screaming and kicking Mercy towards the ocean.

I wave my hand dismissively. “I don’t think they need my help.”

Mei lays down on her towel and looks into the clear sky. I should talk to her, make conversation. I usually don’t have much of a hard time with that, but whatever I come up with seems like the wrong thing to say. Even asking for what she likes doing outside of work seems insane, given that she hasn’t had a life to do much of anything for such a long time and everything else is years in the past.

I poke the volley ball, completely at a loss and I feel so weirdly awkward. It does not help that in her bathing suit, she looks even more adorable. She is so short, compact and her smile makes me nervous.

“Are you going to keep working with us?” I bring out eventually. “I mean, you used to be in Overwatch, right? But as a scientist. Right now, this is a loose band of fighters with no other programs.”

“Mmh…” she sighs. “I don’t know. I have been thinking about that a lot.” She looks at me with those smart, amber-colored eyes. “I can fight. In a different way from you and most others, but I can fight.”

Her words surprise me. “You want to go on the battlefield? As a scientist?” Dammit. Did that sound condescending?

“Don’t tell anyone, but I am working on a new type of gun… if it works as intended, I might be of some use to all of you.”

I frown. “But Mei, what about all the things you said about wanting to do research for the planet? About the legacy of the other scientists.”

“Oh, you watched that show…” she sighs and makes me wonder whether that displeases her. She sits up and stares out towards the water where all five of our comrades are chasing each other through the waves, screaming and giggling. “I still want to do that, too. But I am slowly beginning to make up my mind about the past and… it may not be all I want to do.”

“Oh.” I really do not know what to say. Should I ask her about the gun? About why she changed her mind? Whether it has anything to do with wanting to just be part of the team?

“I am sure whatever you want to do,” I say eventually, “People here will help you.”

“I don’t doubt that for a moment!” She sends me a bright smile and I just want to crumble away. It is beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You got a headstart here with 5 uploaded chapters. Future releases will be more slow. ;)


	6. Matchmaking 3.0

The final score puts team Tracer and team Zarya-Mei at a draw. Pharah supported Tracer against Lúcio and myself and can’t stop rubbing into my face how she has won against me after all.

Mei wants to leave it at that, but Zarya’s competitive spirit does not allow it. There is a bit of competition who gets to stand with Tracer in this last game. Hana has yet to win a single game and Lúcio can’t wait to have another go at Zarya and Mei. Pharah wants her last chance at winning this tournament, but in the end, Tracer votes to grab Lúcio. Her calculations work out - they beat Zarya and Mei by sheer speed alone, though the battle is a close one.

Zarya is very displeased with having lost, though she tries hard not to show it. As a former sports champion, the strongest woman in the world and someone who always gets her way with the ladies, losing is not part of her preferred program. Pharah is okay with her one win and Hana assures us that she is fine being the only one who did not win a single game - after all, it was sports and not gaming.

We all get ice cream while Mei and Hana watch our possessions and Zarya shamelessly flirts with the vendor, but ends up being rejected with a kind smile. 

“Zarya - she was like twice your age,” Pharah comments with much amusement as we leave.

“Yes, but she had such nice hips!” Zarya protests with a grin. We return to Mei and Hana to bring them the ice cream we got for them. We continue teasing Zarya about her failed advances though she seems less open to the teasing than she is usually.

I am assuming it’s because Mei is around - and judging from the look in Lena’s face, she agrees with me.

\---

When I come home from the hospital on Wednesday, Mei has cooked an incredible pot of vegetable stir-fry with lotus roots, carrots, bamboo sprouts and a lot of other vitamine-loaded goodies and it is just what I need. Surgeries and emergencies have kept me from lunch and from coffee break and made me work way past dinner time. I am starving. 

I can’t thank her enough as we sit at my kitchen table and indulge in the well-spiced goodness. She is like an angel come to the rescue of a poor overworked medic. I was exhausted and in a bad mood earlier, but Mei manages to single-handedly turn a botched evening into a nice one.

That is, until a loud thud interrupts us after we have barely finished the meal, followed by a persistent splutter. I stare at Mei with big eyes and we both rush out of our seat to run towards the noise.

We end up in my bathroom, up to our ankles in water. The tab of my tub is swimming around in the wet mess while a fountain splashes at us from the wall where the tab used to be. I mindlessly run into the mess, screaming and trying to stuff the hole with my hand, but the pressure is so strong, I can’t even hold it.

Mei has disappeared, but returns a moment later with what looks like a gun. She fires it at the wall and to my utter amazement, the water freezes right where she shoots, like someone has patched the leak up with a giant ice-band-aid. I have no idea from where Mei produced this device of hers, but I am utterly grateful.

The ice on the wall, however, begins making dangerous cracking noises.

“There must be a valve or something somewhere to stop the water!” Mei points out, much more level-headed than I am as I am watching my furniture swell with the water it is starting to soak into the wood.

“Yes! The basement!” I yell and rush out, leaving wet footprints everywhere as I run downstairs and stop the water flow to my bathroom. Meanwhile, Mei keeps applying her ice patches until I am done.

While I am calling an emergency service to fix this, Mei begins mopping up the bathroom. An hour later, I am confronted with the whole magnitude of the damage: soaked walls, useless furniture, burst pipes. The service team fixes what it can and helps us carry all my furniture onto towels I have laid out in the corridor. Then they install a noisy device in the bathroom that is supposed to suck the wetness out of the walls. The fan is making the whole apartment vibrate. 

They suggest that we should leave the apartment for the days to come, until the walls have fully dried. I am devastated - the day has already been crappy and all the work Mei has done raising my spirits with her superb dinner seems to be down the drain. She notices my dismay and sends a lot of comforting words my way but it’s not like my spirits can truly be lifted. 

However, the question of “where are we going to stay” is lingering in the air. Obviously, nobody can sleep with this monster in the bathroom, not to mention that we do not have running water for the shower, the sink or the toilet. 

“I’ll call some people,” I say defeatedly. “I am sure someone will keep us for the night and maybe tomorrow we can see whether anyone is on a mission that keeps them so far away, we can take over their place for a while.”

\---

I close the door and fish a pair of sweatpants off the floor. I probably need to shower after all this, but first of all I am hungry and I am almost sure I have a can of soup in the pantry… somewhere. The phone rings, but I have to dig a while to find it. Apparently it fell off the bed due to increased activity and got buried under the things I had been wearing hours earlier. I fish it out of a bra that happens to not be mine and look at the display before I pick up.

“I was waiting for the day you would call me,” I greet Mercy, making the grin in my voice evident.

“I wouldn’t say that so quickly,” she replies. “A pipe in my apartment just broke and Mei and I are stranded - without running water and soaked bathroom walls.”

“Oh, that’s no good,” I comment, not sure what to do with this information. I open my can of soup and fish for my last clean bowl to dump it in and shove it into the microwave.

“It is. The problem is, we cannot stay here for tonight and maybe a couple of nights to come. Mei and I need a place a to crash…”

I freeze in my step, a tinge of nervousness in the pit of my stomach. “You won’t stay with Pharah?” It does seem the most obvious choice, doesn’t it?

“Her entire Helix team ist staying with her and she hasn’t that much room at her place here - not in comparison to what she has in Egypt. She asked me to try and find another place, if I can - and honestly, I can think of better things than camping with a bunch of soldiers in the living room like I am in some kind of tent-city near the battlefield.”

“Oh…”

“You live closest and I have had a fifteen hour shift… I really just want a sofa to crash on and a hot shower,” she whines. There is no way I can say no. “Besides,” she continues. “Mei made delicious food and we have lots left over.” I can hear the smile in her voice, too. I look at my greasy canned soup and the piles of dishes at the sink and I am insanely conflicted. But I’d be terrible shutting them out and I don’t want to leave my friends homeless or struggling to find a place to stay - or pay for a hotel, just because I-

“Zarya?”

“Ah---sorry, I was thinking. Uh, you know… I have to be somewhere in… an hour, yes,” I lie, “So maybe you can get packed up, get some dessert and come here at about…” I glance at the clock. “Eleven?”

“Oh god, thank you so much!” Mercy replies with a sigh of relief. “We’ll be there. Thanks a lot. Don’t let our arrival throw you off your schedule.”

“Ah, sure. See you.” I hang up feeling a twinge of sarcasm at the tip of my tongue. Not throw me off my schedule? I look around at the half-loaded dishwasher, the paperwork, clothes and empty bottles in the kitchen, then take a stroll to my corridor and living room. The sofa that Mercy is so looking forward to sleeping on is actually nowhere to be seen - just piles of clothes. Not to mention condom wrappers and other reminders of my latest conquests. My only plant is having a near death experience and there is still wax on the table because one of my visitors liked it hot.

I drop my idea to have soup, grab my half-full laundry basket and start snatching every item of clothes I can find, whether it is actually mine or not. I glance at the clock. I have about an hour. That is sure not much. 

Do I even have clean spare bedsheets?!

Not to mention that I cannot even offer them a snack if they want one. But I can’t both pick up the place and go shopping. I grab a large plastic bag and throw everything inside that looks like it should have been thrown out days ago.

The time creeps on ruthlessly as I swiftly and messily wipe surfaces, start the dishwasher and the washing machine, stuff empty bottles into the bottom of the pantry and kick the dead plant out onto the balcony. 

As I am running around, I call about five numbers to figure out who exactly I had a date with and need to tell to stay home tonight. 

By the time the hour is up, my apartment looks habitable, though not exactly tidy. I have managed to move some still damp dishes into their appropriate places and have a second load running. The bed sheets come out of the drier just in time and I almost overstuff the washing machine to get the rest out of sight. My closet will explode the second someone opens it, but nobody would be nosy enough to do that, right?

To my vast relief, Mercy calls and tells me they are still out having a drink and have yet to pay their bill and make their way back. It gives me time to take out my stuffed trash bags, put the fresh sheets on the beds and run a vacuum through the place. 

I contemplate my options, glancing at the clock, and decide to hop into the shower as all this work and panic has made even me sweaty and disgusting. In passing, I kick a forgotten sock under the corridor shelf. The kick reveals a used dental dam that I cannot, for the life of me, remember using in the corridor. I grab it and toss it into the bathroom trash before I hop into the shower for a quick scrub.

\---

Zarya greets us with her hair dripping wet, smelling like a soap shop. We roll our suitcases in and thank her profoundly. She apologizes for not being there earlier, but we are too relieved to have found a place to mind. 

“If it’s okay with you, you can have the bedroom. I will bunk on the sofa,” she offers. “Uhm… I only have one bed, but it’s large, so… “

Mei smiles. “Mercy and I will be fine sharing. We are just glad we have a place to stay.” She hands Zarya the food containers. “Please eat - we are already all full.”

Zarya peeks into the container and takes a good sniff. “Oh, this is perfect!” she exclaims and disappears in the kitchen. “Make yourselves comfortable!” she yells and gestures in the direction of the bedroom.

Mei and I make our way over while the microwave is whirring in the kitchen. Zarya does have a huge bed and she has set out two blankets and several pillows for us. We’ll be just fine in here and it’s absolutely sweet that she would give up her bedroom for us. Mei sets her suitcase down next to the bed. There isn’t that much room, thanks to a huge closet, but she manages to open it and get out her pyjamas. Unfortunately, as she gets up, her pant pocket gets hooked on the handle of Zarya’s bedside drawer and she tumbles over her suitcase, tearing the drawer open. 

“Oh god, did I break it?” she hisses embarrassedly and turns to look at what she has done. I crawl over the bed to help - and we both stop in our tracks.

“Uhm… let’s just close this and pretend we did not see any of that,” I suggest, trying not to take too much of a closer look at items that I am sure Zarya likes to share with her multiple female companions. There is also a lacy bra that is much too small for Zarya, crudely stuffed in there - possibly to cover the contents a little. But it’s not really doing its job.

“Oh god, I am so sorry!” Mei is utterly embarrassed.

“Pull yourself together or she’ll know,” I hiss and close the damn thing before we can start accidentally memorizing the brand names.


	7. Unmatchmaking 1.0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have messed up the order of the chapters yesterday. I am so sorry!! They are in the right order now. You might want to go back and make sure you really read everything. I am new to this archive and got confused.

It turns out that the area has no unused places for the team at this time. Zarya kindly offers to extend our stay and assures us she slept very well on the sofa and that it isn’t the first time she has bunked there.

Mei promises to make her kindness worth her while and indeed - when I return from the hospital and Zarya comes back from the base, Mei has filled the fridge, the pantry, cooked and run Zarya’s clothes from the washing machine through the drier. The place also looks about 200% cleaner though Mei assures us she just swept the floors and cleaned the windows. 

Zarya is obviously very embarrassed, thanking Mei a million times and telling us she is sorry if the place is too much of a mess. In return, Mei gets insanely self-conscious, thinking she has intruded too much on Zarya’s privacy. It takes the two of them a while to sort it out, but it is adorable.

In the end, Mei ends up assuring Zarya that she only did this because she is way less busy than the rest of us and she wanted to surprise Zarya, not imply that she is messy. She compliments Zarya on her apartment, even though I am not sure I agree. The patchwok furniture that does not want to fit together in style and color and the pinup art is a bit much for me. But I am not going to bad-mouth my host. It’s her place and I am very relieved it is available to house us.

That evening, as we are drinking a little and talking about the other team members, Zarya’s phone rings about seven times. It becomes obvious that Zarya is fending off companions that wish to stop by for obvious reasons. She gets up to phone with them in the kitchen and not disturb our conversation any further, but it’s easy enough to catch on.

I eventually I get up and follow her, assuring Mei I will be right back. As meet her in the kitchen, she gives me a sheepish look.

“Sorry about the interruptions.”

I shrug and shake my head. “I don’t mind. But you are hurting your cause.”

“‘Hurting my cause’?” she echoes.

I gesture at the living room. “If you are going to ask her out, maybe it would be good to seem like you are interested in her and not ten other girls.”

Zarya stares at me and her cheek turn slightly more pink. “Who said I was going to---?”

“Oh, please,” I say, rolling my eyes. “She doesn’t know how you act normally, but I do, and ever since you’ve met her personally, you are completely out of your comfort zone.”

Zarya is stumped for a reply which gives me the opportunity to continue. “You know that the very basis for every relationship is that you try to be yourself, right?”

She gives me a very slight glare. “The way you are talking to me, I am not sure your impression of me is so accurate, Mercy.”

I sigh. “I am not here to cause trouble, Zarya,” I assure her. “I think you two could be something and I know that Mei is interested in having a girlfriend sometime soon. So worry about the impression she gets of you, rather than about my impression of you.”

She throws her hands up. “Impression!” she snorts. “What am I supposed to do about an impression anyone gets of me, huh?” She seems annoyed that I am prying into her business.

“You have so many sides. Don’t show her only some of those,” I conclude and then leave the kitchen. Zarya stays behind for a while, doing whatever or mulling over what I just said. When she returns, her cell phone is no longer on her.

I, for my part, am starting to rethink mine and Lena’s plan for those two. Maybe Zarya really isn’t the right person for Mei, no matter how intense her crush on the little scientist may be. A little ago this idea of ours was maybe an attempt to calm Zarya’s restless spirits a little and get her to focus on something more deep, but now we all know and really love Mei. We understand a lot better what she is like and the chance of her getting hurt is giving me second thoughts.

\---

It takes almost ten days for Mercy’s apartment to be habitable again. We go on a shopping spree for new bathroom furniture and Zarya is being tremendously helpful carrying the new shelves inside and throwing the old ones out. Without a doubt, her strength is remarkable. 

Living so closely with people has its ups and downs, even if it is only for ten days. Mercy and Zarya seem to have some tension going on, but they handle it well, not letting it affect the general mood much and it subsides after a while. Zarya is maybe a bit of a slob, but she has a seriously good heart. More than three times during our stay, some person or another calls her for help. She helps a friend move, picks up a prescription for Reinhardt who is busy on other ends, fixes her neighbour’s sink and helps push a stranded car on the road until the engine comes back on. Not once do I see her hesitate when someone asks to lend them her strength or her time and she always does it without even the slightest complaint.

One evening, a bat gets into the apartment as we are all grouped around the TV, watching a Hollywood blockbuster about a secret agent. Mercy panics, shouting about rabies and bites and Zarya is completely stumped as to how to get the animal out of her place. Her main concern seems to be that the bat is going to hurt itself or starve.

“Everyone, calm down!” I say as the poor animal flies lost circles around the ceiling light. 

I close the door and take the decoration off the window sill, so I can pull the window wide open. Mercy is huddled on the sofa, eyeing the animal wearily while Zarya stands forlorn, asking me how she can help. 

“Just sit down,” I say calmly. “Or… do you have a flashlight?” 

Zarya carefully slips out of the door and returns moments later with a flashlight that is so small, it half disappears in her hand. I tiptoe onto the balcony and stick it into the dead plant that is residing out there. Then I switch off the light in the living room, upon which Mercy responds that she is not comfortable not seeing where the bat is.

I sit down on the sofa and tell everyone to wait. A couple of minutes later, the bat has followed the way of the light and left the apartment. “See, all good,” I say as I get up and close the balcony and window. “No one hurt.”

“Thank goodness…!” Mercy sighs and gets up. “Sorry, but my shift starts at 5 am tomorrow,” she says. “I am going to go to bed.” I have the feeling that this quick decision has more to do with her being embarrassed about her bat-panic than her shift, but still - we are not going to stop her from getting some rest.

We wish her a good night and I instruct Zarya that once Mercy and I are gone the next day, she needs to keep the windows closed for a few days because there is a slight chance the bat will come back and bring its friends to nest in the awesome cave that is Zarya’s living room. She acknowledges my warning and we sit there in darkness for a moment, while the light is still off. Apparently we both don't care to switch them back on and the little flashlight outside is just enough light to see at least something.

“Uh. Mei,” she asks after a while. 

“Yes?”

“I have tickets for a theatre play tomorrow night. I was going to go with someone, but it’s not panning out. I mean, in case you are interested….”

“Oh! Theater?” I reply with a tinge of excitement. “Yes, I’d love to do something cultural.” Gosh, all of the members of this team are so sweet to me. “What is playing?”

“‘An Optimistic Tragedy’ by Vsevolod Vishnevskiy,” she replies. I have never heard of either, but the way she says the playwright's name makes it clear that it is meant to be pronounced in her native tongue. “It’s about a woman organizing the Russian navy during the civil war.”

“Oh, a historical play?”

“Somewhat. Maybe a bit of a salty take on Russian history. I’ve read it before and it is a bit … violent. If you do not want to go, I understand. Vishnevskiy just tried to be extremely realistic,” she says. 

I look at her, making her out in the dark. I don’t mind tragic, intense or dramatic plays, but I wonder if she would have preferred something else. I do pick up that she has read the play and is relating a rather informed opinion on it. I did not exactly envision her as a reader, though her interest, pride and enjoyment of all things Russian did of course not pass me by. It surprises me in a positive way - it looks like Zarya has a side to herself that I have not discovered yet.

“It sounds absolutely fascinating,” I assure her. “I’d love to go.”

I can make out her smile in the dark. “That’s great. We can- well, if you want, we can have dinner, too. So in case the play is bad, we still have something nice to do.”

I chuckle. “Alright!”


	8. Dating 1.0

Despite the look I receive from Mercy when Mei tells her she is going to the theatre with me, the fact that I have a leftover ticket is indeed a coincidence. I only know a handful of other Russians in the area and one of them is a young mother and shop owner who sells the best homemade Kvass I have ever tasted.

Unfortunately, her little daughter is sick and she - understandably - would rather stay home to take care of her than leave her to a baby sitter. For me, this ends up being a bit of a conundrum - taking Mei out to a play about murder, executions and rape among a band of frustrated sailors is not exactly what I would have gone for if I had planned this. But it is just a play and a literary classic on top of that.

To my happiness, Mei turns out to be a literary critic rather than someone looking for pure entertainment. She is looking at the piece with an analytic mind rather than being appalled by the topics it addresses. During dinner, I get the chance to fill her in on the historic basis of the play which she is not nearly as familiar with as I am. 

She compliments me on both my knowledge of Russia’s history and my thoughts on the play. It makes me so happy - if that is what Mercy meant when she asked me to worry about the impression I am making on Mei, I think I am doing something right.

“I can tell you really love Russia,” she pinpoints.

“It is the best!” I clarify. 

She smiles at me and she looks so utterly cute doing so, I nearly choke on my drink. She told me she was worried she did not have anything suitable to wear for a theatre night, but her looks just take my breath away. She is in elegant blue pants and and lighter sweater that reflects the light with the silver thread woven into it. The soft make up under her glasses is complimenting her eyes and when she smiles, I just want to grab and hug her. 

I do have a huge crush on her - to the point where I start wondering what it would be like to kiss her, even when I am kissing other women. When we leave the restaurant - a small, cozy little Greek place with lots of meat for me - she is cheerful and relaxed. I offer to take her back to Mercy’s place and she gladly accepts. The evening is warm and the air smells clean from recent rain.

My heart is on upbeat as we walk the streets and she is babbling away about how museums, plays and exhibitions were among the things she missed most while being stationed in Antarctica. From there she gets side-tracked to climatology, though she does her best to keep her explanations and ideas in layman terms, so I can follow. The words pour out of her with such passion in her voice and body language that I occasionally forget to follow her words as my eyes take her in. She seems so excited, so into what she is doing and when she pushes her glasses up her nose, I can imagine her as a little university professor, exciting her students with all she has to talk about. If I didn't already have a crush on her, I'd get one right now.

We finally arrive in front of the main entrance to Mercy’s apartment and unfortunately, it is time to say goodbye.

“Oh god! Now I talked along the whole way!” Mei realizes. “I am so sorry!”

I chuckle. “It is fine. You seemed so excited and it was all very interesting,” I assure her.

She gets up on the next two steps to be closer in height to me. It’s the most adorable thing and she does it without even thinking about it. 

“That was a really nice evening, Zarya,” she says with a smile, looking right into my eyes. I am so very nervous.

“It was. And-- well, if you want, we could do something like that again.”

“Oh, that would be nice! I’ll check what is up in the area - maybe we can find something else we both want to see some time soon.”

I take a deep breath. “Maybe next time, we can make it a date?” I reply, my heart threatening to jump into my throat while my stomach clenches. I have asked out so many people, but it has never felt that important.

“Oh…!” she replies with an air of shock. “I’m… not sure we are so… compatible…?” she stutters. “I mean, you are really nice, I just might have to… think… about this…” Her cheeks are red and her fingers have hooked into each other awkwardly. The knot in my stomach tightens.

“No, it’s okay. It was just a suggestion,” I say quickly, but I feel a little sick. “But you still have to go see plays with me.” My only objective now is to distract the conversation from what I just said. “Not only from Russian playwrights, of course.”

She smiles, a bit of the awkwardness out of her system. “Oh, absolutely!” She turns to the door. “Well, good night, then! Thanks again for the lovely evening.” Her smile is genuine and it makes me long for her ten times more. She leaves without touching me and I stand there on the street, trying to gather my thoughts and my feelings.

\---

“Mei! Did you have fun?” I greet her as she enters.

“Oh… you’re still awake…” Mei replies as she steps out of her shoes in the corridor and then tiptoes to the kitchen, where I am sitting at the table with paper work from the hospital. Of course I am awake - Zarya and Mei have basically been going out on a date, though it was not labeled as such, and I want to know the results first hand. 

“Oh, yes… too much work. So. How was the play?” I prod.

“It was a good play. It--- I - I had a nice evening…” I sense the hesitation in her voice and put my pen aside to look at her. She is standing in the doorway, looking slightly awkward, her fingers hooking together. “But I think I just rejected Zarya… a little more definitively than I mean to.”

I blink, surprised by that revelation - to say the least. I did not expect Zarya to go forward that quickly. On the other hand - maybe I should have - it is _Zarya_. “How did Zarya react?” I blabber out like that is the most important question on my mind, even though I actually want to know how exactly that entire conversation went down.

“She said it was okay. And then I left and … well, that was that.” She looks at me like she is lost and I gesture at the chair. Dr. Mercy is always ready, after all, even for matters of the heart.

“What exactly happened, Mei?” I ask kindly. I may be curious for a whole set of reasons, but most of all, I sense Mei needs to talk to someone. 

She briefly tells me what happened in front of my doorstep and I think I gather that Mei was very surprised and meant to postpone a decision on such a potential relationship, but that Zarya understood she was being rejected instead. And now Mei is not sure whether that is good or bad.

“But Mei… if you are not sure enough to make a decision, maybe saying no - for now - is the right decision?” I suggest. “Maybe that means you are simply not interested.” I know this goes against what Tracer and I were rooting for, but as so often, matters are a little more complicated than we imagined. Mei seems unsure - it doesn’t seem like she has any experience with that sort of situation.

“She is kind and helpful and I did have a really great time today. But--- I really don’t think I fit into her lifestyle. Or she into mine. And… that means it is bound to go wrong, right?”

I give her a sad smile. “I would think so.”

“Do you think I hurt her?” Mei asks with obvious worry. “Or was that just - I mean, she seems like she would ask out a lot of people...”

“I do not know the answer to that question,” I say honestly. “I know her in so far that I think this was not the same as asking out her usual ...uhm… ‘conquests’. But in what way or how much it was different, I have no idea. Maybe you should just wait and see what’s going to happen in future?”

“I guess you are right,” she replies, but in her head she is obviously still mulling over it. I feel sorry for the both of them.


	9. Heartbreak 1.0

I sit on the sofa in the darkness - where I had been with Mei when I asked her about the theatre visit - and run my hands through my hair. It is starting to sink in that I have been rejected. And that is not such a terrible thing in general - my advances have been pushed away often enough, sometimes even with harsh words.

But this is Mei. Mei has rejected me. And I can’t help but wonder and wonder over and over again what I have done wrong or what I could have done better. It was a nice evening, but was asking her today too early? Or did I never have a chance to start with? What does she mean - we are ‘not compatible’?

I can’t seem to calm down or sit still. I get up again and walk aimlessly to the bathroom, then back to the bedroom that still has her and Mercy’s bed sheets on the bed. I switch on the bedside light - the sheets are perfectly tidy, but there is a hair tie with blue sparkles next to the side where Mei’s suitcase used to stand. 

I pick it up and sit down on the bed, contemplating it. And I realize that maybe I had this one chance to ask Mei out and somehow I botched it. And she said no.

She said no. 

My stomach seems to pull together, wanting to eat itself. I feel a rush of heat and cold on my face as the realization sets in that this might be the end of that story. She was so kind about it, but she said no. Mei doesn’t want me. Mei is not interested. Mei said no.

Mei said _no_.

I clasp a hand over my mouth, staring at the hair tie and it just seems so surreal. A forgotten hair tie should be all I get to hold? It doesn’t seem fair - I tried, and I meant it! How can this backfire within a blink of a second?

Maybe it is only now that I realize how important this actually was to me. If I had known before, maybe I wouldn’t have asked her out so quickly but planned this more carefully. 

But maybe the result would still have been the same. Maybe I never had a chance.

I bite my lower lip - it can’t be. I have always had a grip on my composure, why would I lose it now? I start getting angry at myself - the strongest woman in the world cannot allow herself to get this upset over a simple rejection, I tell myself.

I hit the main light switch harshly with my first and get down on the floor to do push ups and take my mind off things. If I can’t act like the tough woman I am, maybe I just have to toughen it up a bit more! I count as I put my weight on my knuckles so that it hurts, and push myself up again and again.

“One… two… three…” 

I want to work it away - all the anger I feel for messing this up. I want to push the feeling that is creeping within me so far away - with so much effort that it makes me sweat. But this feeling does not want to go away. I am angry at myself for not being able to contain this and this anger only makes it all worse. 

My skin feels hot and raw. I raise one hand to run it over my face, continuing my workout on one hand for a moment - refusing to acknowledge that my eyes are getting wet. It can’t be. Not me.

“Twelve… fourteen … fif---”

My shoulder brushes the side of the bed, shifting the bed sheet and Mei’s hair tie falls right in front of my face. I stop and stare at it and my own words echo in my head - this should be all I get to hold. 

I drop down defeatedly, roll to my back and press the heels of my hands firmly against my eyes.

“Stop it!” I hiss at myself. 

But I can’t. I could be the strongest human that ever existed, and I still would not be able to fight this. 

I want Mei. I want to hold her. I want to hug her. I want to tell her how beautiful and sweet she is.

But I can’t. And I won’t ever. And it’s just so damn cruel.

\---

“Thank you for helping me out, Mei,” Winston thanks me for what must be the ninth time. The calculations he ambitiously thought up are a little more complicated than he expected and it took him almost two hours to get me on the same page with him. Ultimately, his ideas are really good, if very ambitious. But I see the benefit of the devices he plans to put together and if we can make it all work out, that would be a huge advantage. I want to do everything in my power to make this happen and also show team ex-Overwatch that I might be useful for their cause.

“No problem, Winston. The base is so busy today - I have never seen so many people here at once,” I say to lighten the mood and give our brains a moment of rest.

“Oh, there was a meeting and-” he looks at me and his face, if that is even possible, pales a little. “I mean - you-- we thought about inviting you, but since it is not official--”

“No offense taken,” I hurry to say. I really am not offended. I have yet to prove my value and I don’t want to be included on any other terms. I am this close to finishing my own project, but I am not entirely ready yet.

“Is-- uh… Zarya around, too?” I ask carefully.

“Oh, no,” Winston replies. “She called us this morning. Looks like she is sick. Sometimes even the biggest and strongest are powerless against small viruses, am I right?” he smiles and gives me a rumbling laugh. “Uh… not that I want to belittle Zarya’s health. Ahem.”

I bite my lower lip, then realize how that must come across to Winston and I hurry to say: “She seemed like she was coming down with something yesterday, indeed.”

But I know how likely it is that the only thing she is coming down with is our conversation yesterday. And I wonder what to do. Call her? Stop by? Apologize? What if she is really sick - then I’d be looking like a fool turning up on her doorstep and apologize for a supposed rejection she might not even care about.

It’s all so complicated and it looks like I will keep mulling over this again and again until I see her and can maybe figure out whether or not I impacted her in any way.

\---

“Wait, what? You encouraged her to not go out with Zarya? Blimey, Mercy - I thought we had a plan!” Lena pouts at me.

“I know… but it seems like Zarya’s promiscuity is really making Mei uncomfortable and who can blame her? Crush or not, Zarya might get bored of her and move on and I don’t want to be responsible for the mess she might leave behind.”

Lena frowns at me. “I thought we were doing this because of the first time ever, Zarya is actually serious about someone and it might do everyone good to see her settling down a little.”

“But I don’t want to sacrifice Mei’s happiness for this,” I reply calmly.

“Sacrifice? Don’t you see the potential at all, Mercy? Zarya might actually pull herself together and make this really sweet.”

“Or not. And then it will be ugly.” I pause. “I can’t keep messing with this. Maybe we shouldn’t have in the first place. Now things are rolling on their own anyway.”

“Or not. Because things kinda stopped rolling, from what you tell me.”

I shake my head. “Not sure. Mei is not happy with how this turned out, Zarya called in sick when she would usually drag herself here on two broken legs, if necessary. This story is far from done yet.”

“Oy, that’s why she wasn’t here?” Tracer shouts out. “And you’re saying she might not be serious? Come on, Mercy!”

I raise my hands, showing her my palms in rejection. “I am out of this, Tracer.”

\---

When Zarya returns to the base three days later, she looks like she has been run over by a truck. Maybe I kinda expected this would affect her, at least from what I understand happened - via Mercy’s account. But damn - she looks like she hasn’t slept all night. The worst part is, Mei, who is working on something with our big buddy Winston, cannot possibly miss it either.

When the little scientist unexpectedly walks into the work room to retrieve something, where Zarya has taken her weapon apart to clean it, our big, pink Siberian bear excuses herself immediately and leaves. I have an urge to blink into the doc’s office and kick her in the butt for messing this all up so badly. How can she miss how freakishly miserable Zarya is? How can she encourage Mei not to give this another thought?

As Zarya stomps out of the door, Mei visibly pales, her mouth opens, but she doesn’t bring out a word before Zarya is gone. Her shoulders slump and she leaves with whatever she needed to get for Winston. It’s looking so bad and I think she needs a hug or something - but I blink after Zarya instead.

“Zarya…!” 

“Yes,” she answers, trying her best to seem normal. “Tracer?”

“Heya,” I say, looking up at her. “You look like you have had a face-to-face encounter with a truck.”

“Nice,” she replies, trying to chuckle. “Just a virus. Nothing serious.”

“Well, I don’t know!” I reply. “That particular virus can be pretty nerve-wrecking. Especially with continuous exposure.” I gesture in the direction in which Mei just left.

She frowns at me, fishing for an answer but it takes her only a second to realize that I know what’s up and she can’t talk her way out of it. She is visibly displeased at that.

“How come you know anything about that?” she just demands.

“Oh, Zarya, luv - it’s a matter of putting one and one together, really. You had the biggest crush on Mei, now you’re looking all gloomy and can’t look at her and she can’t look at you. Come on.”

“Well, you got your curiosity settled. Now leave it,” she replies with defeat in her voice.

“Nope. Can’t. Because you have given up and we can’t have that.”

“She has rejected me,” Zarya clarifies. “That’s all there is to it. She isn’t interested.”

“And that’s where you are wrong!” I call out triumphantly. “She has rejected someone she doesn’t actually know. That’s now how this works, luv. And I refuse to let you give up!”

Zarya looks so stricken and uncomfortable, even I start feeling bad about pestering her. But if it is for the ultimate good, that’s okay, right? 

Her voice is calm and quiet - too quiet for being her. “I’d rather be left alone.” Wow. All that spirit - that ‘I am the strongest’ stuff - that’s all gone apparently. Sure the wound is fresh, but damn, I don’t even recognize her anymore. Apparently the shock shows on my face because she gives me a little, sad smile. “I appreciate it, Tracer” she assures me, a bit of that old kindness in her, “but I’m not into personal therapy. Just leave me be.”

I raise a finger. “I know what you need! We’re gonna have drinks tonight and then you tell me all about --- uh---” I think for a moment, “which weight-lifting champions you’d really like to crush!”

There is a little glint in her eyes. “Distraction, huh? Now that’s more my style.”

_Bingo._


	10. Matchmaking 4.0

Getting Zarya drunk takes a good while and a whole lot of money. That woman can take quite a bit, but she is more than willing to take large sips and hug the bottle. I wait, I ask her about Tolstoy and about the worst omnics in human history until she loses her train of thoughts and the conversation dies down. 

And then I wait, which I find insanely hard to do, but it’s worth it because as things are for those in love, her thoughts do wander back to the object of her affection.

“She’s... so cute…!” Zarya mumbles drunkenly. “Did’you know she grabs her own hands like so…” she hooks her fingers together, “when she is nervous…?” She chuckles fondly.

“I hadn’t noticed,” I reply warmly. “That does seem cute. You really like her, huh?”

“She’s… perfe’t,” Zarya mumbles and takes another sip. “Cute...and feminine… and passionate and… that smile…!” She empties her half full glass in one go and then says in the most deadpan, cold voice: “And she doesn’ wan’ me.”

“Luv, what exactly did she say when you asked her?” I prod.

“No’ compadebby-- compaday--- we don’t fit.” She refills her glass from the vodka bottle. “She was even so cute when she said she’d hafta think ‘boutit. … So cute.” 

“Wait. She said she had to think about it?!” I ask, processing the possibility.

“Well… yanno… nice woman… won’ shay _‘no’_ ou’righ’....” 

“Zarya! ‘I have to think about it’ does not mean no!” I reply excitedly. 

“No?” she blinks at me, not quite understanding. “Sure doesn’ mean ‘yes’.”

“But it’s a possibility. -- Why do you think she said you’re not compatible? What do you think she meant?” If I can get Zarya to believe she can turn things around...

Zarya points at me, a stupid little grin on her face. “Younno… I though’ abou’ tha’, Tracer, an’... I ‘ave too many … women. Not good.”

“Hm…” I think about that.”Yeah, you have a lot of women. I mean, that would worry me, too. It doesn’t look like you could be satisfied with one relationship, you know?”

Zarya hits her flat hand on the table and the vodka bottle nearly falls to the floor. I grab it just in time. “Tha’ is not fair!” she protests. “Wha’ I do when I am single and wha’ I do when I am in a relationship with the best - the _best_ \- woman in the world -- tha’s completely different!!” She frowns at the vodka bottle instead of me.

“How is anyone supposed to get that, luv? Or believe you? Come on - you don’t make the impression like you can settle an’ you know it!” 

“I am not like tha’!” she protests again. “It’s no’ my fault you have the wrong idea…!”

“Yes it is.”

“No, it is not!”

“It so is!”

“Wha’?” she rubs her forehead. “It is?”

“Kinda.” I take the glass from her, even though she tries to hold on to it and I have to pull with a little force. 

“Nooo... tha’s mine.”

“Come on, let’s get you home, stud,” I say. “We can figure out how to change that image of yours tomorrow.”

“I’m not like that…!” she mumbles. And then, more quietly: “Mei, I am not like that…!”

\---

I have the worst night, the worst hangover and the worst morning. I am not even sober by noon and thoughts run wild in my head. What has Mei seen of me and concluded - and how does one evening of literature and theatre even make up for that? I am pretty sure I know who I am, but that might not be the image I convey.

Well, I might not be sober physically, but my head has sobered up quite a bit. As soon as I can stand straight without wanting to puke, I call Tracer. I am amazed that I still remember our conversation, honestly - and slightly embarrassed by all the things I have said, drunk as I was. 

“What’s up, luv?”

“You’re right, I am not giving up.” I would like to add that I am not fool enough to miss that she got me drunk on purpose, but my head aches too much to talk any more than that.

“There ya go, soldier!” she cheers me on, sending a severe pang of pain through my head. “But we need Mercy on board.”

“What? I don’t need more people to-”

“Oh, luv, way too late for that. I’ll see you in a bit! Cheers! Gotta call Angela!” she hangs up before I can say anything else.

\---

Tracer has managed to drag me over to Zarya on my free day. I am not happy with this - I said I did not want to mingle anymore and I meant it, but Lena insists that I at least need to hear Zarya out before condemning her to, as she puts it, ‘an eternity with a broken heart’. I snorted at that, but I know Lena doesn’t give up until she gets what she wants, anyway. And maybe I can get both their heads out of the clouds, who knows.

I am surprised to find Zarya opening the door looking uncharacteristically meek. I have long since figured she doesn’t like talking emotions - it doesn’t take much to catch that, but she looks insanely uncomfortable looking at me specifically.

We settle in the living room and I try hard enough to not show how ridiculous I think this whole endeavor has become. Zarya sits on a stool opposite of the sofa, elbows on her knees, looking down.

“So, what’cha think we need to change about her?” Tracer says cheerfully. “Maybe take down those pinup posters, put her in some more decent clothes and set up some books in this place?”

 _Um Himmelswillen!_ I groan. “Lena…” I rub the bridge of my nose as I sometimes do when patients are at the brink of driving me insane - just to give me the time to collect myself. “This is not how things work, ever. Anywhere. You cannot pretend to be someone else to build a house - because latest when you move in, you will find yourself out of place.” I look at Zarya. “We can stick you into a suit, get you designer furniture and teach you bookloads of information on modern art. You will still love weight lifting, make your dorky jokes about going into battle, stare at my ass any chance you can get and throw yourself down a mountain to help your friends. And we don’t want you any other way!”

Zarya sighs. “But Mei does not like me the way I am…!”

I take a breath and count to three. “Look, Zarya, I am sorry. She can be the cutest thing in the world, if you two don’t work together, no one will be happy, including you. That’s how things are. You’ll come to that conclusion yourself, if it is the case.”

Zarya straightens her posture a little and looks at me. “And you think that’s how it already is, right?” she replies with an air of confrontation in her voice. I do like this better than sighing, meek Zarya.

“I did not say that,” I defend.

“I know you don’t believe me, Mercy,” she says bluntly, “but I am not who you make me out to be. You think I am this player who can’t do otherwise. You are wrong.”

I raise an eyebrow. “I never said that and I never attacked your character, Zarya. You have tons of qualities and tons of flaws, like all of us.” I squint at her, trying to give her an analytical look. “But you _are_ a player. Nobody said it’s a bad thing, it is just not everyone’s thing.”

Tracer looks back and forth between us, biting her lower lip. I am sure she didn’t expect the two of us to get into some sort of argument and is seeing her ideas and plans crumble before her. The truth is, I cannot do this - I cannot pretend the world is some magical place where everything goes the way you want if you just try hard enough. Mei may never like Zarya that way because they are too different. Or she may as well like her, despite my doubts, because Zarya is a good person, regardless of her flaws. Some things come to us through hard work - a medical degree, a place as the top surgeon in a hospital or acceptance within an organisation you think highly of. But some things don’t. You can try as hard as you want, some patients don’t make it, some relationships don’t work out and the world will not be at peace just because you are trying your very best to make it so. Some things are not in our power and Tracer and Zarya are walking a dangerous path thinking they can turn things that they may not have any influence over.

Zarya puts her hand to her knee, grasping it tightly. “You are not being fair. You’ve never seen me being serious with anyone, Mercy.”

“Given for how long I have known you, that’s a statement all by itself,” I retort. Zarya is ready to return her own comment, but I continue. “Convince me otherwise. Be yourself, but convince me how mistaken I am about you. Because if you achieve that, you may as well convince Mei.”

“Honestly, luv, are you even considering giving her real chance there?” Tracer throws my way, seeming a little annoyed. “You sure don’t sound like it!”

“Now _you two_ are misunderstanding _me_ ,” I say. “Zarya, you are a great person, I really mean it. I will give you any chance you want. But I don’t think you should try and change for anyone. Neither to please me, nor to please any love interest.” I think my words are falling on deaf ears, though. 

Tracer sends me another frown. “We’re not talking change. We are talking…uh - Zarya 2.0,” she explains. 

I look at her. “How do you even want me to help you? What could I possibly do?”

“I don’t want much,” Zarya says. “But I did it all wrong. I want to do better. All I want is pointers. And I know you are the best help I can get. You told me I was hurting my cause and you were right. I have not forgotten about that.”

“Come on, Mercy! You have a grip on these things - at least try to help! Zarya’s going out of her way to ask you.”

Lena is right, of course. Zarya is sitting here, openly asking what she can do to have a chance with Mei, as opposed to brushing it off, brooding on her own, and pretending to be completely self-sufficient. She could be off screwing some woman or telling us all to leave her the heck alone. This already is Zarya 2.0.

I think for a moment. “First of all, you need patience. You rushed in the first time and it did not do you any good,” I tell her. “And maybe act with a different mindset. Think about what you want for the future and how you want her to be happy… as opposed to being, you know… being focused on yourself.”

Zarya takes a breath to retort something.

“You wanted pointers,” I remind her before she can.

Zarya puffs that breath she has taken out with a snort. “Fine. Okay,” she relents and I smile back at her, feeling rather amused. 

“What now?” she says with an air of annoyance.

I clear my throat and imitate her voice and accent the best I can. “You are wrong about me, Mercy! I’ll show you! … but you do have a point.” I chuckle and continue in my normal voice: “Still the old, confident champion with a tad of self-reflection - I like it.”

Zarya grunts. “I should never have let you in here.”


	11. Zarya 2.0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the chapter being late. I usually post pre-uploaded chapters from my cellphone, but this seemed so short, so I had to go back to the original file to make sure nothing is missing. In fact, it is really just a short chapter.

The look Zarya had on her face yesterday does not want to leave my head. I did hurt her and I do not doubt that anymore. And I do not know what to say. After much reflection I don’t think I ever did want to go out with her, but that does not mean I am not sorry. 

I come to the base early the next morning and sit down at a work bench to do more efficient work on my own project. I also make definitive plans to seek out Zarya and try to sort this out at least some, even though that thought makes me nervous. 

Zarya appears a little later carrying that enormous weapon of hers. She puts it up on a different workbench only ten steps away from me and I suddenly feel so tense. She sits down and starts oiling the lever on the side. I watch for a moment, wondering how on earth I am going to approach her.

“Uhm... “ I say eventually. “Hope you are feeling better.”

She looks up. “Thanks, Mei.” I cannot tell anything from her face or voice.

Our gazes meet for a moment and I just do not know what to say. Her eyes are a little blood shot and yet, she is smiling just the faintest bit. 

“Did I upset you…?” I force myself to ask. “I did not mean to… you know?” I feel so nervous talking about this. Though we should get this out of our way, right?

She sits back on her chair and rubs the back of her neck looking rather uncomfortable, but she does not avoid my eyes. She thinks for a moment and takes a breath. “I understand,” she says finally. “You never want to hurt people. Just sometimes you have to. We all do.”

So that’s it, then: I _did_ hurt her. She makes it plain and clear. And yet, she does not seem angry and she does not put any blame on me. Is there anything I can say to make this a little less cruel on her? I still feel terrible.

“Can we still see plays?” I ask. “You are great company, I’m just … a little unsure about a lot of things right now.” 

Zarya considers my question. “Sometime in the future, yes. I’ll let you know when-” she hesitates, "-as soon as I think I'm okay with that."

It stings my heart. I know it is not really my fault that her feelings are going unrequited, but I can still feel pity. She is so messed up because of me, she can't even agree to go anyplace with me right now.

“Great,” I say, regardless, just making a mental note to let _her_ ask _me_ to go places and not the other way round. Though that will not prevent me from getting pamphlets and maybe letting them lay around, just in case she needs inspiration. I feel that I do absolutely want to rebuild this relationship, even if it is a little damaged right now.

“What are you working on?” she asks, pointing at the equipment I put on the table.

“Oh. It’s still a bit of a secret… but, something to help with battles, I am hoping. Winston is going to help me get it ready and I will present it to all of you when it is.”

“Huh,” she replies, her eyes trying to make sense of the barrel and the liquid container on the table. “You did mention a gun a while ago. And this looks like a tiny weapon. Nothing like this baby,” she lifts hers and sets it upright on the ground with much pride.

I giggle. “I probably could not even lift that.”

“Hah. So what you are making is something you need to be able to lift yourself,” Zarya realizes. 

“Ah… you are trying to spy on me,” I tease. “I think given how strong you are, I make a better sample for anything that is meant for the average person…! So if I can lift it, so can anyone else.” I like pointing out flaws in anyone's logic, it's terrible.

Zarya grins. “You are not average, though. And you _can_ lift my gun.”

I look at the monstrosity she is still holding. “I can’t lift your gun,” I decide. “There is just no way.”

She lays the gun on the floor. “Try it. I dare you!”

I laugh. “You just want to laugh at me, Zarya!” I tease. “I probably can’t even shove it. What is that thing, anyway?”

“I tore it off some war vehicle. The dumb thing stopped, but the gun was still perfectly good. Shouldn’t have gone to waste, right?” 

I stare at her. “You- what? This was meant to be on a tank of some sort?” It makes a whole of sense, but it doesn’t make what she did any less spectacular. I am assuming that thing was anchored to the tank in some way and surely never meant to be carried. If she ripped it right off... well, 'impressive' is an understatement.

“Yupp. It was a good, spontaneous decision.”

“And you think I can lift that?” I say with much disbelief. “That’s crazy. I probably couldn’t lift half of it.”

She pats the gun. “You have yet to try, Mei.”

I walk over, shaking my head. “Are you telling me it’s special material of some sort?” Maybe it’s super light-weight and it just looks bulky or something?

“Come and try it.” She keeps coaxing.

“Fine, fine.” She shall have her fun. If it makes her feel better than I have made her feel lately, it’s just fine with me to be her amusement. I walk over and grab the two handles of the gun. I have to stretch quite a bit to even reach that far and of course this is no angle at which I can move that thing.

“No, no… come here,” Zarya interrupts and leads me to her side of the gun. “Grab the front first and lift the nozzle.”

I lean over and pull with all my might, but the gun does not even budge.

Zarya crouches down. “You’re hurting your back like that,” she explains. “Crouch down, put your hand here like this.” She shows me how to hold the handle and I follow her example. “Now. This,” she pats the back of the gun. “Is your anchor. You want to use that as the angle to start tilting the gun upwards.” She puts her hand on the small of my back. “Lean back as you pull.”

I do so, and indeed, the nozzle lifts a little. The gun is unbelievably heavy and I can feel the hard work in my thighs as I crouch halfway up - unable to get any higher. Zarya grabs my other hand and pulls it back to the second handle that now somehow feels easier to reach. I grab it and pull, but instead of lifting the gun, I am losing my grip on the front.

“A little more,” Zarya encourages me and I am somewhat surprised that the front part does not slip away. I am even more surprised when the back lifts, the whole act becoming a little easier quite suddenly… until I realize, Zarya has her foot wedged under the front of the gun and is pushing it up while her hand behind my back has grabbed the edge her gun and is helping me pull. 

“Hey! That’s cheating!” I protest with much amusement.

Zarya chuckles in return. “You almost got it, I was just helping a _little_.” 

I laugh again. “That is so not true!” But somehow I still feel elated by the experience. Zarya picks up the gun like it barely weighs anything and puts it back onto the table to continue her maintenance on it. 

I return back to my work station and I feel the situation has become more relaxed by quite a margin.


	12. Mei 2.0

Jack calls me into the meeting room at an odd hour and a little unexpectedly. True, we were all going to get together for other things later, but there are still hours to go. I am curious as to what is going on and very surprised to find a whole lot of people are here early.

Winston is nervously polishing his glasses in a corner, and even Symmetra is with us today. Then, of course our usual, dutiful bunch - such as Pharah, Reinhardt, Torbjörn and Tracer, not to mention what I have come to call the “younger generation”, despite not feeling so much older - Lúcio, D.va and Zarya. My biggest surprise is that Mei is standing off to the side with Winston, next to a container that - I swear - is looking at me with blinking eyes. Mei’s arm is in bandages and I am rather confused by that. I saw her this morning in my apartment and she was fine - plus, I am not the one who bandaged her up (which I can also tell by how messily the bandages are rolled around her her arm).

“What is going on?” I whisper to Pharah, but she just shrugs and pulls a chair back for me to sit.

When we have all taken our seats, save Mei and Winston, Jack addresses the group.

“Thanks for stopping by. Mei asked me to call as many members of our group together as possible. She has a suggestion to make and I would like this to be done before the meeting.” He turns to her. “Mei - go ahead.”

Mei pushes her glasses up her nose, sends a nervous look to Winston and then walks over to the wider space in front of our conference table.

“Ah, yes. Alright. Well - uhm…” She really is very nervous but she notices it herself and takes a deep breath. I remember how sciency she felt speaking on TV after her cryostasis. Surely, the lot of us cannot be more scary, though even I can get a bit unsure when being caught in Symmetra’s often unintentionally judgmental look.

Mei seems to remember the science side of her and goes to bring the little container (which is still blinking at me with two distinct eyes) to the front with her. “I have been working on a new weapon,” she explains. “And for good reason. I think anything and anyone can be used to fight for the better and … well, I would hope that I have made something that you will all consider an asset to the fight,” she hesitates, “...to all the fights you are involved in. And... that you would consider me as an active contributor for this group."

She unhooks a small, compact gun with a very wide barrel from the container. “I have some experience with cryo liquid and I thought… of what use could it be in battle?”

Pharah pokes my arm. “So that’s what’s in that container?”

Pharah must be right. The gun is connected to the container with some kind of hose, too. 

“Well… I developed a fast-freezing method that can temporarily disable human tissue and electrical circuits.”

Winston clears his throat. “We think of this as a tactical advantage. Instead of focusing on damage generation, Mei and I - well, mostly Mei - have decided to attempt developing something that disrupts planned maneuvers and leads to our technical advantage.

“Allow me to demonstrate,” Mei says.

“On who?” Tracer asks - genuinely meaning it, too.

Mei blinks at her with wide eyes. “On- on no one!” she replies, thrown off her composure by that question. “I was just going to---” she points at Winston, who has rolled a table closer filled with all sorts of things - an old, running computer, a pitcher with water, bananas, a heap of fabric and fur.

“Well- you see--” she points the gun at the bananas and a frosty white beam escapes. The bananas start steaming with coldness. “It freezes living tissue.” Winston takes the bananas to our table and tosses them in the center, where they land with an audible clunk - completely frozen. Tracer, Jack and Symmetra poke at them, confirming the hardened state they are in. Lena whacks one of the bananas on the table and it shatters like a glass sculpture, making all heads turn at her. She laughs embarrassedly and tries to gather the shards subtly with her feet before they can thaw into a gooey banana-mess.

“It can freeze circuits, too,” Mei says, points the gun at the computer and makes it shut down completely in just mere seconds - frozen. “And it can freeze through large objects, clothes and some, but not all obstacles.” She freezes the pitcher of water solid, which Winston demonstrates by turning it upside down. Then she freezes the heap of fabric and Winston lifts part of it to reveal another solid-frozen banana in the middle.

“Impressive!” Lúcio shouts when Mei is done and looking unsure in the pause that followed her demonstration.

It is Symmetra who throws the first critical question into the room: “This might work for omnics and plants, but humans produce their own body temperature. That might interfere with your technology.”

Mei raises her bandaged arm. “I can tell you first hand that it does work very well on humans,” she says with an air of embarrassment.

“That is one arm,” Symmetra notes. "Not a whole person."

Mei looks a little stumped. “I-- I haven’t had the chance to test it on humans yet. In theory, it should disable movement for a few seconds… I mean… the bananas should be thawing by now - humans will thaw a little faster…” She sends a nervous glance at Winston.

“What do you intend to do with this gun?” I ask to turn the conversation into a different direction to make Mei feel less awkward. 

“Fight,” she answers.

“You’re scientist…” Jack notes.

“And I’m a musician,” Lúcio throws into the conversation light heartedly. “Symmetra is an architect - last I checked, profession and calling were not the same thing, right? At least that hasn’t stopped us from standing together before!”

Symmetra is not easily deterred. “Still, there is no proof of its full function.”

“Hngh!” Zarya groans and gets up, walking over to the front of the table where Mei is standing. “Hit me.”

Mei stares at her. “I can’t -- that is not--- I mean, it’s not a painless procedure.”

“I’m fine with pain,” Zarya assures her. 

Mei is looking utterly unsure. If she wants to join us, disabling one of our finest fighters might not be exactly how she should start going about it.

Jack takes a critical look at Mei’s arm. “Will there be lasting damage after such a procedure?”

Mei bites her lower lip. “Not likely… but… if so, it’s nothing that cannot be fixed. After I accidentally froze my arm, Winston and I tweaked a few things to adjust the gun for its proper purpose.”

“Go ahead. Freezer her,” Jack gives his permission.

Zarya stands next to Mei, her arms raised and opened wide in an invitation to blast her right in the chest. Mei reloads the gun with a little knob on the side and a blubbering bit of blue liquid flows from the container to the little reservoir on the gun. “I’m so sorry,” she assures Zarya and then points the gun right at her. The wide ice beam frosts Zarya’s armor over immediately and there is a short moment of shock on Zarya’s face. I bet it is very cold to suddenly wear metal plates at freezing temperatures. However, that moment does not last long because only two seconds later, Zarya is frosty white-blue and completely immobilized. She looks like a snowy statue.

“She isn’t gonna shatter like a banana, is she?” I wonder with some worry. 

“No - humans are a bit too compact and complex for that,” Mei assures us.

The ice on Zarya begins to crack. I wonder if she is even conscious at that moment or if she is literally cryo-frozen like Mei was and therefore oblivious to the world. I feel like I have to interview her about the experience.

Zarya emerges from her ice-cocoon with an angry little battle cry - the ice around her falls off in shatters and she gets a very quick hold on her momentary shock, returning to a look of determined superiority. 

“How did that feel?” Hana wonders immediately. 

“Cold,” Zarya reports. “And a bit annoying.”

“I bet!” Tracer replies. “Imagine you are in the middle of chasing someone down and then BAM - stopped in mid-run!” 

“Oh!” Winston jumps into the conversation. “But Mei’s gun can do more!”

I glance at Zarya after Winston said this. I love reading short, momentary expressions on people’s faces and I am not disappointed this time. Her continouus look of determination is interrupted by a brief second of Zarya bracing herself for more to come, maybe with a tad of worry. To say the least, I bet that getting frozen is a very uncomfortable experience.

“I will not demonstrate the second gun function on anyone,” Mei says clearly. “Because that function is absolutely meant to hurt people.” She points the gun at the thawing pitcher of ice-water and hits the trigger. There is a very short delay before a pointy icicle blasts the pitcher to pieces. 

“Wow - I like that function!” Pharah bursts out and immediately follows that up with a guilty look in my direction. She is fully aware that I won’t like this function at all and am already mentally assessing the damage I would have to repair if anyone of us accidentally got hit with a sharpened icicle.

“Handy!” Tracer agrees. “I guess mortally wounding someone would disrupt their battle - so you’re still doing exactly what you’re trying to do.” She sounds so cheerful.

General laughter ensues and Mei looks a little sheepish. “I thought going into battle without a serious defense mechanism would not be smart…” she admits.

“And you are right,” Jack assures her. 

“One more thing…” She looks around, at Zarya and then at the table. An excited look crosses her face - it seems she is getting an idea. “I might need a volunteer!”

Zarya takes a hard breath. “I’m still here.”

Mei looks at Zarya and gives her a gentle smile that I am sure Zarya enjoys more than anyone else would have. “Actually,” Mei replies. “Maybe a couple of volunteers.”

Silence at the table. Nobody else wants to get frozen - not after seeing Zarya come out of that statue like state, not exactly looking like she had been enjoying herself.

Mei fiddles with her hands for a moment when literally no other volunteers come forth. “Oh!” she exclaims in realization. “I am not going to freeze you - I just need some people with guns up here.”

The collective sigh of relief is almost amusing. Tracer blinks up front within moment. “Will my guns survive this?” she asks, pulling them out.

“Absolutely - all they need to do is shoot,” Mei assures her.

I also get up, fishing for my little gun. If it helps Mei to get her point across, I’d be a terrible friend not to support her. Even Jack joins us and both Hana and Pharah look a little like Christmas has been cancelled - Pharah is not in her suit and D.va’s mech and gun are also nowhere near us.

Mei positions us near the table and takes a step back, taking the container with her. She looks a little nervous. I swear she exchanges glances with the container, who is now blinking at her with what I can only describe as ‘happy eyes’. I am starting to wonder whether that thing is sentient in some form or way. 

“Winston is going to count to three - and then you are all going to shoot me,” she instructs us.

“Wait - what now?!” Tracer exclaims. “I am not going to-”

“It is going to be okay,” she assures us.

“Mei, can you please tell us what you are going to do?” I ask before Winston can say anything. “I’m excluding myself, but most of the people up here are very skilled shooters and you are at barely any distance from us. I don’t want to perform emergency measures on you because you underestimated everyone’s aim.”

“I’m fully expecting you to hit me. And you can stop after a few seconds, if you are worried,” she clarifies. 

“I am not comfortable with this,” Zarya announces, lowering the gun she has picked up after Mei demanded shooters up front. She steps back and I send her a critical look. I guess firing at Mei is going a bit too far for her and her feelings.

Mei sends a look to Winston, nodding her head.

“One - two -” My friends take aim, as instructed. I hesitantly raise my gun. I am honestly not sure I am going to shoot.

“Three!” 

The sound of gunfire fills the air - and of shots ricocheting off the wall behind Mei - but none of these even scratch the little scientist: She is a tiny ice-mountain and nothing we do to it can penetrate the thick walls. 

“Woah!” Tracer exclaims and steps a bit closer, firing feverishly at the blue, glistening rock in which Mei has disappeared. “Come on!” She is determined to destroy the block.

I have also fired my four or five shots at it by now, but my eyes wander to the blinking container. There is a top level with liquid that is draining right now - and draining fast, without getting refilled. It’s hard to see through the partially opaque ice, but the movement of the sinking liquid level has caught my attention.

When it nearly reaches the bottom, the mechanism behind it dawns on me. 

“HOLD FIRE!” I scream, but Mei’s ice block is already falling apart, leaving her completely vulnerable. Somewhere behind me I hear a familiar boom - Pharah has run and retrieved her rocket launcher to take part in the fun. And I know it takes only a second for that rocket to travel from where Pharah is standing to Mei’s face.

At that moment, three things happen at once. Zarya throws a barrier on Mei and I see it go up in a pink bubble just before my vision is blocked by what I can only describe as a 10-foot ice wall that is separating Mei from the rest of the team. At that moment, Pharah’s rocket has travelled nearly all the distance it needed to travel and explodes on our side of the wall, blasting Jack, myself and Tracer backwards.

The icewall gets a huge dent - but it holds.

“Mercy!” Pharah cries in shock and drops her launcher to run to me. 'Splendid', I think, feeling the pain of my impact with the floor, 'my girlfriend has just shot me!' Technically, Mei’s ice wall has caused us to get caught in the splash damage but in her defense, Pharah was not lined up to be part of the shooting group and probably shouldn’t launch a rocket indoors.

Evidently, Mei knows something is up - the ice wall crumbles in front of us and she comes running out from behind. 

Jack scrambles up from the floor. “Fareeha, a word,” he just says and grabs her by the arm to lead her away. Pharah sends me a worried look, not even caring she is about to get chewed out.

“I’m fine,” I call after her, so at least she is not worried. The blast did knock us all back, but a quick, professional look around tells me nobody got actually hurt, save a few small burns, maybe and some ruined clothes.

“Oh my gosh!” Mei exclaims. “I am so sorry!” 

“Not your fault, love!” Tracer says immediately as she picks herself up from the floor. “Fareeha got a bit over-excited there, I think!” 

“I’m sure she is already regretting it,” I sigh.

Mei looks at the door through which Pharah and Jack have just left. 

Symmetra has joined us at the front, also assessing the damage. She looks at me. “I don’t understand. Why is everyone angry with Pharah?” she asks with honest confusion. “Mei told everyone to shoot at her and refused to explain the functions of her device ahead of time,” she pinpoints. “Pharah followed instructions.”

Mei looks like someone knocked her on the head.

“She was not part of the volunteers determined ahead of time. Mei would probably have stopped her from participating, if Pharah had lined up with those rockets,” Zarya helps out.

“Oh. I understand,” Symmetra replies thankfully and returns to her seat - but Mei still looks terribly guilty. I am glad it escaped Symmetra that Zarya also has explosive charges that have splash damage in her weapon - and Mei fully expected her to shoot in whichever way Zarya would have liked. 

“Excuse me!” Mei says quickly and rushes out of the door - after Jack and Pharah.

When we have helped Winston clean up the mess, all three of them return. Jack looks pissed and both Pharah and Mei look incredibly guilty. I do not doubt that Jack has chewed them both out majorly for not putting safety first - be it to join in with the fun of everyone else or to make a presentation more mysterious. 

But while Pharah looks like a scolded child, Mei looks honestly worried. She probably figures her chances of joining us have been majorly diminished by what has just happened. She has proven herself a little thoughtless or careless and Jack’s word is worth a lot when it comes to making decisions. He does not look happy, though.

“Are there any other functions we should know about?” Jack continues when everyone but Mei and Winston have taken their seats again.

Mei stands in her spot, wringing her hands and looking meek. “There is one more function…” she replies quietly. “I think I am not going to demonstrate it but,...” she pops the little face off the container and it turns out to be a bot that can hover in the air. It zooms around her and nudges her shoulder, proving at least some amount of sentience, maybe even empathy. Torbjörn, who, like Reinhardt, has been very restrained and quiet this entire time and just been watching, suddenly looks intrigued. "Did you make that?" he says excitedly.

“I did. This is snowball,” she introduces the bot. “After enough charge, he can freeze an entire area and everything in it. He is willing to go wherever I tell or toss him.”

“Will it seriously hurt anyone?” I ask.

Mei shakes her head. “It’s just like my blaster - it will not be comfortable but won’t do serious damage to anyone in good health.”

Jack throws a look at Pharah. “Up front. Now.”

“Come on, Jack, that isn’t necessary - you already---” I try to appease him, but his look silences me. 

“It’s okay,” Mei says. “I don’t want to use it right now. I will make a video of it and show you - someplace where it won’t do anything to anyone.”

Jack gets up and follows Pharah to the front. “Your device is a good one and it is obvious you and Winston have done some careful planning with it. We just talked about your method of presentation and I think you understood my critique rather well. Now I want to give you one last chance to convince me that you’re able to handle what you have built.” He looks at Winston. “Care to join us?” There is method in this request from Jack.

Winston pushes his glasses up his nose. “Oh. Yes,” he says immediately and comes closer. It was the only right answer he could have given. If he did not trust a device he helped Mei develop, then Mei can’t be trusted. 

I take a deep breath and get up to stand by Pharah’s side. I was wondering what it was like to be frozen when I watched Zarya, I might as well get first-hand experience. Mei is watching the growing group at the front with much amazement.

Zarya gives a short cough and joins us, thought she is eyeing the bot warily. I am surprised - she does not trust robots and she absolutely hates omnics. Plus - she has already enjoyed the unpleasant experience of getting insta-frozen and as I understand, it wasn’t like eating ice cream. I figure she must be doing this solely for Mei.

Mei lays her hand under the bot and then tosses it right into the middle of our group, giving it some command in Chinese. 

The next moment, I feel really, really, damn painfully cold and I start shivering for all of a second before --- well, nothing, really. The next thing I know is that my skin is prickling painfully just a fraction of a second before the ice falls off and crumbles around me. 

I feel momentarily disoriented - this didn’t last for more than the tiniest of moments, right? Not like Zarya who was frozen for seconds.

Yet, when I want to look at Mei, she is not there. I hear her calling ‘Hey!’ from someplace behind me and she is all the way at the back of the room, waving at us. She cannot have gotten there so quickly so she must have had at least a few seconds to walk there. 

We must have been immobilized at least as long as Zarya had earlier. What an odd experience - and I cannot help but wonder, whether nine years have passed Mei by exactly like that - in the blink of a moment, without consciousness or recollection of the passing time. Not like sleep, where you somehow know time has passed - but like blinking your eyes.

Mei is allowed to stay as we discuss her prospects of joining us, though the discussion does not include her. Two things dominate the conversation: Almost everyone, even Symmetra, sees the benefit of putting surprise walls in our enemies way or taking them out of combat for seconds with the benefit of disorienting them. However - there is reasonable skepticism whether or not Mei herself is fit for the battlefield. She has never been in combat and while - undoubtedly - she can aim rather well, she is first and foremost a scientist. 

Lúcio repeats his point that a good deal of us do not come from a fighting profession and that all of us have been given the chance to learn how to conduct ourselves in the field. While we might have learned so at different time points - Hana in Korea, Zarya in the Russian army and Symmetra through specialist training with the Vishkar - there is no reason to believe Mei (and snowball) cannot learn to become useful fighters, either. Also, Winston is a scientist as well, though he has been fighting for a long time and, arguably, has the strength of a giant animal.

Zarya is the biggest supporter on Mei’s side and repeatedly emphasizes that she thinks Mei is very capable and will be a tremendous asset to our operations. Not to mention what Mei’s smart, scientifically inclined mind can do behind the scenes. Plus, most of us have official professions that we pursue - Hana is still making movies and streaming games, for example, and while Pharah does nothing but combat, she does conduct a lot of it for Helix, not for our team. Not to mention how I have regular shifts at the hospital that often keep me more occupied than our missions do.Abd despite that, we are still all here together - so why not Mei, too?

In the end, Mei is given a trial period in which she is supposed to seek out training and instructions from all of us and gets a chance to prove to us that she is a disruption for the enemy team - not for us. Because while her walls and freezes are great techniques, strategic minds like Jack, Torbjörn and Pharah rightfully wonder whether a misplaced wall could interrupt our maneuvers or whether Mei going into her ice block alone might force people to stay close to her in protection for when she thaws - even when, tactically, it is time to retreat. 

Doing what Mei intends to do requires reading a battle and that is a bit risky with someone who has no experience whatsoever. Mei seems absolutely thrilled with her permission to go on trial for the team. That evening at my place, she makes cupcakes for everyone and can’t stop babbling about the abilities and technology behind her cryo-gun, even though I don’t understand half of what she is saying.


	13. Unmatchmaking 2.0

Tracer blinks into my office. I hate it when she does that - not because I am easily surprised, but when you are working and trying to get to your computer or some other place, it is very disruptive to suddenly have a human being in your way - even if you saw it coming.

“We. Need to talk,” she announces.

“What did Hana do now?” I joke. “I am sorry, I can’t keep an eye on her all the time.”

Tracer giggles. “She’s fine. We are going to talk about Zarya and you,” she clarifies.

“I am taken already, but thanks for the offer,” I reply immediately. “Plus - not exactly my type and she is getting around waaaaaay too much.”

“See, that’s my point!” Tracer replies. “Haven’t you noticed?”

“Noticed what?” I raise an eyebrow.

“No more booty calls while she is working, far less hickeys and lipstick stains and she is spending way more time at base, even evenings.”

I use my patience-gesture and rub the bridge of my nose. “I told her not to change for anyone,” I sigh. 

“She ain’t changing for anyone, luv,” Tracer retorts. “I think that change is... intrinsic? I mean, she is still doing the do - just saw her the other day takin’ some hottie home. But - she is being more…” she thinks about the right word, “responsible about it.”

I roll my eyes about that. “She is trying not to let it hang out to Mei, that is all. And that’s no good for her. That means whenever she is with someone and not getting hickeys, she is stopping her lovers with the thought of ‘Mei could see that.’ She is not only disrupting her own fun, she is pretending to be someone else for Mei.” 

Lena gives me a look like I just slapped her. “Because she still has a huge crush on her. That is genuine. And you are being unfair - imagine you had been rejected. Would you really have so much fun sleeping around with other people? Huh?”

“I’m not Zarya,” I reply rather coldly. 

“What do you want her to do?” Tracer snorts frustratedly. 

“I don’t want her to do anything,” I reply with the same frustration. “I want her to be herself, whether that includes Mei or not. I don’t want her to base her entire life on whether or not she gets a chance with Mei.”

Lena throws her arms up giving me a look of pure incredulity. “I thought you of all people would understand that some feelings change people! Without them trying or pretending to be someone they are not.”

“I do understand that. But in this case, I don’t believe it.”

\---

I can’t help but notice that Tracer has been observing things more closely and more correctly than I have. Not only do I see more of Zarya and enjoy her helpful nature even more often than I have had the chance before, I also notice the uncanny silence of her cell phone. She used to look at it every time it rang, pick it up, set up her dates. Now, half the time, it is in her locker or she outrightly ignores it, saying she can answer later. That the calls get less over time seem to not disturb her much.

I am trying to see beyond the way she conducts herself and find her motivation. Is she really just behaving herself to become a different, maybe better person? Does she even still have reason to? Because something else I notice is that Mei and Zarya are getting along just fine, like any good colleagues would. 

At first glance, anyone would think that everything that has ever happened - or not happened - between them is in the past. But our big Siberian Bear cannot fool me, even though she is trying hard to fool Mei. Mei only has to turn her back for Zarya to send her a longing look and I am starting to see the skill in Zarya’s thespian talent.

Nevertheless, an analytical glance and and eavesdrop here and there when Zarya does receive her phone calls also teaches me that she is not forcing herself to stay off her lovers. She is occasionally finding excuses to redact her appointments with her conquests - excuses that I know aren’t true and appointments that she would probably not need to stay out of. 

The naked truth is that Zarya is often seeming rather disinterested - and now instead of being frustrated with her efforts, I am actually getting a little worried. That’s not like her and if this still all about Mei, her interest in the little scientist is running more deeply than I thought it would. 

I slowly find myself being drawn back to Tracer’s side, but I am also still concerned about Mei’s well-being. Zarya might be pining all over the place for something she can’t have but I am worried what would happen if she got what she wanted. Sometimes the mere fact that something seems unreachable makes it all the more desirable, but this can change when it is in your hand.

\---

“Tracer just called. We’re going to dinner and maybe have a drink with a couple of people tonight,” I tell Mei moments after I got in. “Are you coming along?”

Mei looks torn for a second. “I actually promised to call a colleague of mine about a project. He is out in the field with little phone reception during the day and he seems to have something important on his mind. --- I think I will have to decline. I am so sorry,” she replies.

“Oh that is fine. You are under no obligations,” I tell her with a smile. “And helping people in your field seems like a great opportunity to still have an impact and maybe get all the way back into the field, hm?” 

She smiles with relief. “Yes! It feels fantastic. Right now, I feel like I love everything. I am slowly catching up with up-to-date climate stuff, I am having a great time learning about combat and practicing my aim, and everyone is so nice to me.” She stops in her track. “And --- Mercy...! I am going to look for a new apartment soon. It’s just - I haven’t been accepted officially yet and I don’t want to have to move out right away again…”

I shake my head with a smile. “You are still and always welcome here… plus…” I send her a conspiratorial look. “There is a good chance you might be able to take over this apartment some time soon.”

She gasps with surprised. “Really? You are planning to move in with Pharah?”

I nod. “We are looking for something. But taking our time.”

“Oh! I am so excited for you!” she exclaims. Her joy is genuine and I can’t help but feel double-elated through it. Truth be told, I am seeing a lot of obstacles in our way, but I am more than ready to tackle them - and Fareeha has already agreed we are not going to live like soldiers bunking in a camp.

\---

When I arrive that evening - alone - I am greeted with badly concealed disappointment from Zarya’s side because Mei has not joined me. Tracer subtly pats that big back and takes over the necessary question whether or not Mei is going to join us later.

That I deny that possibility seems another little blow to Zarya’s face, but it only lasts for so long. She slips an arm around Lena and one around Hana and laughs like the big, sweet bear she is. “So, who’s gonna drink me under the table?”

“If you wanted that, you should have brought McCree!” Lena laughs. “None of us can keep up.”

Zarya chuckles. “I just have lots of body to spread the alcohol - and I am Russian! It’s in my genes.”

“Or training,” I add a little more bitter than I meant to be.

“You want my liver values, doc?” Zarya says provocatively. 

“I already have them and I honestly find them miraculously illogical,” I reply. “Where do you put all that vodka?”

Zarya pumps her fist to show off her biceps. “I work it out. And then I drink lots of juice!” 

Everyone is grinning at this exchange. There is no way anyone can dislike Zarya, with all her amusing confidence and ability to make fun of herself so easily. Plus, she is just a big teddy bear - one with a sexual overdrive, but even that somehow makes her more loveable than it should.

And really, once inside the bar, Zarya sure goes through the drinks swiftly, while Hana is fighting hard to keep herself from speaking Korean on accident because her brain can’t process the difference anymore after just three drinks. 

I order water for the poor kid and myself and then challenge Zarya to try the “Knock-out” cocktail.

Zarya laughs at me. “And there you were preaching about liver values earlier!” she teases.

“I’m a doctor,” I say with a bit of a slur to my speech, “but I am also still a human and this buzz is so very nice…!” To emphasize, I chuck my cocktail down and wave for the waitress to come and take another order.

“Le’s sing karaoke… later!” I suggest. 

“No, sweety, no,” Lena replies. “I am not doing karaoke with drunk Mercy ever again! Trust me.”

I blink at her, trying to remember when we last did. “What did I do?” I wonder.

“You don’t want to know,” Lena asks.

“No, seriously, what did I do?!” I push again. I really can’t remember. 

Zarya pats me on the head. “Nobody cares anymore, Mercy. I am not sure they’ll let you back into that place, though,” she teases.

“You are kidding me, right?” I ask, now feeling a bit worried and desperately searching my mind for any memories. “Right?”

Lena giggles a lot. “Nope. Ask Fareeha. She had to take you home, after all.”

“Uuuh…?!” I groan. I am a bit worried now. “Did I get too loud, singing?” I try to poke for the truth.

“Forget it, Mercy. We won’t talk about it,” Zarya assures me. “But loud singing was the least of your problems.”

I try to bug them more, but their lips are sealed. I decide to drop the subject for now, though it is nagging on me. I honestly had no idea there was some sort of drunk karaoke incident with me. I will have to get it out of Pharah… and luckily, with that one, I have better ways to coax her into doing what I want - even if that is telling embarrassing stories about my drunk self.

After we ordered, a woman disengages from the bar and joins us at our table, much to our surprise. She is a feminine, tall blonde who is obviously aware of her sexual appeal, giving her tight-fighting dress, neat make up and long, stylish hair cut.

“Oh, hi there,” Tracer blurts out. 

“Hi, I’m Mila,” she says and then looks directly at Zarya. “And you are?” she breathes out.

“You can all me Zarya. Nice to meet you,” she says kindly. We all introduce ourselves and then she sits down on an empty chair across the corner from Zarya. “I could not help but notice you. You are hardly overlooked.”

I exchange a glance with Tracer and she mouths the word ‘shameless’ at me, then giggles. 

Zarya laughs kindly. “I realize that hiding myself is not exactly an option, so I stopped trying.”

She laughs back and her smile is pretty gorgeous. I cannot help but see a certain appeal in this woman. It doesn’t help that Mila, after she asks whether she can stay a while because her blind date has apparently never turned up, turns out to be pretty nice despite the expertly styled exterior. We are indeed having fun and when she asks whether she is intruding too much, we all assure her she can stay. She tells us about the botched blind date and I sense a decent level of frustration. Apparently the fact that she is pretty hot is working to her disadvantage at times - intimidating potential partners.

“I came to this city just for this date - so promising,” she says and finishes her cocktail, then stirs her straw in the ice. “And it wasn’t even anything big. Looked more like it was gonna be a night or two - but that seemed nice.”

“Ah, shucks,” Lena replies. “Do you think they even came in? I mean - did they come in, see you, and leave or just never came here in the first place?”

“Ah… I think she might have left. I got a lame excuse long after we were supposed to meet. I really wonder what made them leave.” She sighed. “I was looking forward to a bit of fun. I would probably feel much more at ease if I knew what makes people run.”

“I have no idea,” Zarya replies. “My first reaction when seeing a gorgeous woman is not to run. Rather the opposite,” she laughs, ever the flirt. 

Mila smiles and looks at her. “I do think of getting a hotel for the night, you know…” she mentions.

Tracer is nearly falling off her chair, grabbing both Hana’s and my arm and hissing an excited “Oh my god!” to us. Apparently, tonight, we are watching the master seducer Zarya at work, even though in this case the woman is basically throwing herself at her.

Zarya seizes Mila up and down, not even hiding it. “I hate to be a spoil-sport,” she says eventually. “But I promised to be out with my friends tonight. I am not sure where we are going to go, but we will be out for a while, I think.”

All three of us are staring at Zarya as if the moon had just landed on her head. 

Mila plays with the rim of her glass, tracing it with agile, elegant fingers. “I have to leave tomorrow. Maybe your friends could excuse you for a while?”

Zarya smiles. “Not going to lie - you are really, really attractive,” Zarya clarifies. “And at another time, sure. But these two,” she points at Tracer and myself, “are usually caught up in their own relationships and this one,” she points at Hana, “is famous and not around as much as we’d like her to be. I don’t have that many chances to hang out.”

“Ah, I see…” she says, looking disappointed. “Can I leave you my number, though?”

“Sure,” Zarya agrees and Mila gets up and walks to the bar to borrow pen and paper from a waitress.

“What the crappity crap is wrong with you?” Tracer blurts out. “She is walking sexiness. I would totally go out with her if she threw herself at me like that!”

“Ah, but don’t you have someone waiting for you, Tracer. Emily? Amélie? Something like that,” Zarya reminds her.

“That’s why I am saying I would. You know - in your case.”

Zarya chuckles. “But I am having fun with you all,” she assures us. “I can have sex anytime I want to.”

“But-- but---” Tracer, at a loss of words gestures to Mila at the counter with a harsh gesture, signifying that she means to say ‘Look at that booty, dammit!’ “Not to mention she is fun and kind and heck - this could be more than just a quickie!”

Zarya loses her smile at that point. “That’s another reason not to go for it, you know? She promises only fun, but she may not mean it. And I am not available for that right now.”

Hana looks at her, seeming quite a bit buzzed. “I am around a lot, actually.”

We laugh because if anything, that comment is about three minutes late.

Mila returns to the table and hands Zarya a folded piece of paper. Zarya thanks her kindly and makes an effort to pocket it right away, showing that she is going to keep it. It is I who ends up inviting Mila to stay out with us, but she decides that if all her efforts of the day don’t pan out, she is just going to take the train home tonight instead of getting a hotel.

She leaves with an air of disappointment, reminding Zarya to call her. 

Once she is gone, Zarya unpockets the phone number and opens the folded paper.

“So, does it say ‘Fuck you for rejecting me?’,” Lena asks.

Zarya shakes her head. “No. It’s actually her phone number. But..” She crumples the piece of paper and puts into one of the empty glasses at the table. “Somehow she does not even excite me.”

I stare at her.


	14. Mei 3.0

Every time I have sex, it’s all good and fun. But more often than not I find myself not interested in going through the effort of setting up a time, being there, getting through the whole small talk and so on. All the women I am having a pretty, but lately they feel a little like sculptures that I am appreciating and I am getting bored with the same model or something.

I feel a little at odds with myself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the sex. I still enjoy pleasing the ladies, we have gorgeous moments in bed, and I am addicted to orgasms and the general fun and laughter in bed. It’s not the sex itself that has me so reluctant - it’s everything around it. Sometimes, I’d rather work out or try something new or go to the park than replying to a text message about a potential engagement.

I of course kind of know what is up. I still cannot stop thinking of Mei and everyone else seems just so hollow next to her. I have had a great life, until I glimpsed that there could be more to it, and now I can go only so far back to what I used to enjoy.

Mercy told me to be patient and it feels so long ago. I am so torn between heeding that advice and worrying that I might actually miss a chance if I even have any. I get stupid moments of jealousy when Mercy and Mei go home together, even though I know there is no danger in that.

I feel so elated and happy seeing a movie with Mei or watching a play. We have made this a rather regular occurrence lately and I am surprised that I am the limiting factor because unlike Mei, I am not interested in every play and every movie. There are some things I cannot take and it looks like Mei just wants to stay informed about everything. Maybe she just wants to make up for years of missed culture.

But of course a theatre is not the place to ask Mei to become something more to me ever again. It would just remind us both of the first time and on top of that I can’t even see any sign that she might like me that way.

I have women like Mila throw themselves at me and as I am rejecting more and more of my regulars, I realize that people do not even give up on me when I am unresponsive. It seems ridiculously ironic that I could seemingly have any woman I want except for the one that I do want.

I work out harder and more often, occasionally forgetting time. It’s something that keeps my mind occupied and makes me feel at ease. But even then, afterwards, I have these moments of wondering whether Mei is not only disinterested or unsure about a lot of things, as she has put it, but finds me the very opposite of attractive. I know a lot of people don’t think strong women are pretty in any form or way. Usually that refers to those pumped with hormones and enhancements that look grotesquely disproportionate. I can’t stand those either because those of us who put real effort into working out get frustrated with the attention these fakers keep getting. I am sure Hana feels the same about hackers intruding upon her games. However, who is to say that Mei, even if she can tell the difference, might not want someone more feminine or soft or more scientifically minded? I am certainly not any of that.

I wreck my head over this stupid question that I cannot ever answer: is there the slightest chance that Mei might even like me as more than just a friend and colleague? I can't figure it out.

\----

There is a soft knock on my door and I almost miss it. I am so absorbed in a colleague’s publication on a new neurosurgical method. It’s like the knock reaches me only seconds later when I am at the end of a paragraph.

Luckily, Mei has not left in these few seconds. I greet her, surprised to see her. Since we are currently still living together, she brings any concerns she might have, even medical ones, to me in a more familiar setting. I can’t blame her. Even I hate doctor’s offices.

“How is your arm?” I ask her. I had re-bandaged it after the presentation - and then daily in the mornings ever since. She had bad frost bites, but nothing that could not be fixed. Now, the bandages are off and she is almost fully healed.

“It’s fine, thank you,” she replies and closes the door behind her. I shut off the computer screen and give her my full attention. Years in the profession - and in this team - have taught me that it’s serious business when a potential patient walks into the office and closes the door behind them.

“Can I help you?”

“Not sure,” she replies. She seems a little nervous and I am considering my options as to how to approach this. “You know I am a professional, right? I’m not going to discuss anything with anyone that is said in this office.”

“I’m not looking for a doctor,” she says clearly. “I am looking for a friend.”

I smile at her. “And you have found one, Mei.” She may not have found the right setting. As I said, even I hate the doc’s office. On the other hand, friendship is independent of its surroundings. I am prepared, however: In a genius moment, I have long since set up a sofa, arm chair and small table in the back corner of the office. It turns out when it comes to fighting and traumatizing experiences, someone who is bound to confidentiality is sought out for more than just wounds of the body.

I let her sit and, to make the situation even more relaxed, puff out an exhausted breath. “So glad you stopped by,” I say. “My head was smoking from the reading and I needed a break.” It is such a lie, but it seems to help Mei. I pour us both a glass of water and she takes a good sip.

“Do you think Zarya still likes me?” she asks. I am surprised but try not to let it show.

I know that she does still like Mei, of course, but I am not sure how wise it is to tell Mei that, especially since I do not know why she is asking. “Does she give you that feeling?” I ask diplomatically.

“I can’t tell,” Mei replies. I still cannot discern her motivation for coming to me with this and while I want to help both her and Zarya individually, I do not want to interfere so much with the natural progression and outcome of things. It was foolish to attempt it in the first place and I have learned from that.

“I don’t understand? Do you _want_ her to like you or do you want her to _not_ like you?” Sometimes asking someone flatout can be the best for them and you.

“I think I do want her to like me, even though I am still very unsure,” Mei admits. “I think… I guess… if she did, maybe I would find it easier to make a decision. I could make it for her instead of for myself.”

I am intrigued, but I am trying not to show it. “A decision about the two of you?” I ask.

She nods. “I think I want to, but I guess I am a little nervous about what would happen then. She has every power to smother me in a way - with her feelings or her expectations or so. I am worried about what I would commit to, if I asked her out. Am I making any sense?”

“I think you do.” I think about this and come to the conclusion that I cannot possibly dispel her worries. Rather the opposite. Because knowing what I know - how much Zarya still wants Mei - I can see Mei’s worries being more than justified. I can’t even blame Zarya. Imagine wanting something or someone for months and then be expected to restrain yourself and take slow - to not go full force in order to secure that what you have only just grasped. And on top of that, Zarya, no matter how much she has changed, is still her sex-and-fun-loving self. Even I, being given an official chance to try and capture someone I want, would go out of my way to impress them using what I have. For Zarya, what she supposedly has is skill in bed. Regardless of what my skill would be - I would not even consider that whatever I am trying might just be too much. Above and beyond, Mei is right that this could backfire.

On the other hand, I also feel like I have an obligation towards Zarya. Zarya has made it unintentionally clear to me that she has lost her sizeable heart to Mei. Our friendship goes back a long time and what kind of friend would I be having her love interest here in my office and then telling her to not go for my friend? It is the conflict I tried to avoid when telling Tracer I was stepping out of this matchmaking game. Now here I am again.

“I see your concern, Mei… but… relationships go two ways. You would probably have a say in a lot of things, if you are willing to say them. And… to be quite frank. I think Zarya would need to be put on reigns, regardless of what you are okay with. She is used to getting whatever and as much as she wants. She is a person always striving for the win and it often comes so easily to her that she forgets how precious the reward actually is. She’s a hero to Russia even though she only did what came naturally to her. She is a champion in the weight lifting community even though other people are on the leaderboards when she is too busy fighting to compete.” I refrain from talking about how easy sexual conquests are for her. “The only thing she truly has appreciation for is her own strength and weightlifting record because those came to her through hard work and dedication. And even that gets to her head sometimes.”

Mei listens closely and I can see her processing and thinking about what I am saying even as I am speaking. Her swift mind has no problem both following and considering my words in detail.

“I think a relationship with Zarya will only backfire, if you are not able to put some control on her, so she can appreciate how precious being part of it can be. It’s up to you to decide whether you are a person who can do it.”

Mei gives me a very analytical look. “That implies that I really am something she wants - that I would be one of her ‘wins’?”

“Putting it like that would be unfair to Zarya,” I say, fearing I have done some damage despite my attempts to not interfere too much. “From my observations, yes, she still would like to be with you. But in the end, that is a question only Zarya can answer for you.”

Mei scratches her head, her eyes looking far off into a non-existent distance, thinking. “This is all more complicated than I thought it would be,” she says eventually. “Because … there is something else…”


	15. Mei 4.0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Unpublished chapters used to be stored in the order I uploaded them. Not anymore. Bear with as I am trying not to mess this up))

The handful of people who are at the base come together at Jack’s call - again. This time, we are far less people than when Mei presented her blaster to us. In fact, it Zarya, me, Winston and Mei.

Mei briefly explains the situation - she knows she is still training and getting ready and she is aware that progress tends to stall when people take a break. She is aware that Jack has finally decided to let her go on a real mission that is coming up and yet…

“A colleague of mine is involved in a project in Arctica, Antarctica, Nepal, Greenland and northern Sibera. Next month, he needs capable scientists trained in climatology to stay at all of these stations and he asked me to take the lead at one of them. It is a very interesting project and he made it very clear how desperate he is for reliable help. And yet… I do not want to disappoint everyone.”

Jack rubs a hand over his face. “It’s less about disappointment than about being reliable. Everyone else - Hana and Lúcio included - goes out of their way to schedule in such a way that there is room for missions. We have the luxury that a lot of our tasks, unlike in war, can be scheduled and well prepared ahead of time. This is why we can have people like Symmetra or even Zarya here. They can do their architecture and sports and still be reliable assets to our team. None of them just run off, except in case of emergencies, such as fight breaking out in Russia or an unpredictable mission that might call Pharah back to Helix for a while.”

Mei bites her lower lip and nods. “I understand that. But weather also isn’t very predictable and something is brewing in the skies…” she tried to defend. “I don’t mean to be unreliable.” She takes a deep breath.

“I thought you were looking forward to this mission,” Winston asks with an air of disappointment.

“I was. I am. I--” she sighs. “I’ve been thinking about this over and over. It’s difficult when there are two things I want to do and they cannot always be aligned.”

“I feel you,” I say kindly and look to Jack. “But I also feel the other side. Even I have shift plans and make sure someone can replace me when I am needed in either of my two passions. All of our planning for this mission includes you being there, and you are asking everyone here to put extra effort into accommodating to your absence. That is a lot to ask, especially without offering any solution yourself.” Sadly, I know how frustrating this can be. Even Pharah goes out of her way to provide another Raptora Mark IV pilot, if she can, in case she is needed elsewhere - and she sometimes really does not have a choice. Mei does.

“Stop it!” Zarya cuts in sharply. “So she has another passion than fighting. And it makes her happy!” She seems more upset than the situation warrants - and I am seriously surprised because Zarya has been here this entire time, not say anything, but certainly heard that the woman she loves most is going to throw herself at more blizzards and storms in some remote area of the word for six months - without her.

“A lot of things make a lot of people happy, Zarya,” Jack clarifies.

“She has never been on the battlefield and she is not vital for this mission. She might not even be ready at the time and need more training. Yet you are acting as if she was going to disrupt everything, if all we have to do is change our plans a little,” Zarya retorts. 

“That’s not what this is about,” I come to Jack's defense. I know what Zarya means and I understand her, but her response is simply not fair to Soldier:76. “No one should just be allowed to go off and drop everything for months and leave others to accommodate - that is now how teams work. I know a lot of science - though not all of it - is done with you and your data only. But fighting really is not. Not ever.”

Zarya frowns at me. “And Mei is simply trying to serve two teams because she does not want to disappoint anyone. She is already in a dilemma and you are making it worse. It’s not her fault she has two passions she wants to make work together. It’s not her fault that your passion allows you to be close to the base and do your surgeries while hers requires extended travelling.” She gestures at Mei. “She came here to help and not to be possessed by our group.”

She is talking a lot for being Zarya and I know where that passion is coming from, of course.

Mei frowns, looking seriously uncomfortable. “I don’t have to go. I was asking… I was… going to ask how I can compensate for my absence to make this less trouble for you all. But… if you want me to leave altogether because I am not reliable…” she sighs and adds quietly: “I understand.”

“Well, we are not enough people to make such decisions, I think…” Jack mumbles.

“Bullshit!” Zarya roars - not directing this at Mei. “You, of all people, should know what the possibility feels like to maybe not be able to follow your passion anymore.”

“I am here now, am I not?” Jack retorts. 

“Yes. Because your only passion is fighting. That great and admirable - your dedication and leadership always have been. But having only this one thing is much more easy to deal with than her passions.” She gestures at Mei again. “And can you blame Mei for wanting to follow both paths? She was close enough to not being able to follow either.” It’s the most direct reference to the cryo-freezing everyone has ever made in Mei’s presence. “Can you blame her for choosing both? For not being able to decide what is more important? For thinking this -” she gmoestures at all of us, “-is just as important to her as saving the environment?”

I raise an eyebrow at her. Zarya rarely gives speeches, but this one is quite spicy. And she is right, of course. She might have played the pity-card for Mei, but at least I know she is doing it out of honest care for the little scientist. And it’s, most of all, selfless. Maybe wanting to keep her with the team in general is not the selfless part of the act - but standing up for her going on her climatology mission, that is. Because she will be away and despite all the lovesick and slightly tortured puppy looks, Zarya gives her in secret, she loves having Mei around. And she probably knows it is dangerous, too.

“Mei is an asset to the team, undeniably,” I say calmly. “She might be overstepping her position within a military hierarchy here… but this is not anyone’s military. And we are a colorful mix of people, not all of them familiar or happy with the rules and ranks of professional combat groups. We cannot lose Mei’s skill. We may not have tested it in battle, but we all have worked with her and know what she can do.” I look at Mei. “I am sure she will do her best to find more group-friendly solutions in future. But for now… maybe we should simply postpone her first combat experience and lend her to other people who need her skills as much as we do.”

Mei looks at me so thankfully - and so does Zarya. 

Jack snorts. “I will consult with the many people who are not present and have been scheduled for this mission,” he says sourly. “And find someone to fill in for Mei.”

Mei seems to shrink in her chair. “If I really don’t have permission…”

“You have permission. But you cannot expect people to be happy about it, okay?” Jack states clearly.

“I understand,” she says meekly, but I can see the relief on her face.


	16. Love 2.0

“That was very kind of you, Zarya,” I say once Soldier:76 and Mercy have left. “You did not have to jump in for me like that and I really appreciate it.”

Zarya smiles. She is slowly taking off the gloves of her armor. She had been training when we called her in to discuss this with us, but claimed she was done. She looks a bit worn out from her practice - or is it the conversation that has exhausted her? “It was nothing, Mei,” she replies. “I know it makes you happy to help with the climate. I don’t think anyone should take this opportunity from you.”

“Still. My happiness should maybe not be your first concern… but your safety on the battlefield which I may be jeopardizing with this.”

Zarya chuckles. “No. We’ll be fine. And your happiness is my main concern, Mei.” She looks at me seriously, her smile fading. “Look. I have spent a lot of time in my life seeking what makes me happy. Like saving Russia. Or breaking a record or two. Like seeing people look up to me and find hope that things will get better.”

It’s sweet. I am thinking she is going to give me a kind little speech about pursuing happiness and with her rough accent and voice, it somehow feels all the more real. But she continues in a different direction.

“I thought I should continue on that path. I always have. But… lately, I have realized that if you truly care for someone, or you love them, then it’s _their_ happiness you should be most concerned about.” She gives me a sad little smile. “And the way you told us about this research - I know it will make you happy. I want you happy.” She pauses and shrugs with a small air of defeat. “Even if that happiness will not ever include me.”

A rush of adrenaline runs through my body at the face of her direct honesty. Even though I have recently talked about a lot of things concerning Zarya with Mercy, I am still a little shocked. Maybe because now I am in a situation with Zarya where this is on the table and I can’t take any time to think about this. 

There is an uncomfortable pause between us.

“I’m sorry, Mei. Consider it not said,” Zarya says. It’s pretty much exactly what happened last time. She changed the subject and we dropped any talk about her advances on me for a long while. Only, it never really went away, as I realize now.

“No… I do want to consider it,” I say quickly, then take another break. “The truth is… I am excited about this research. I don’t want to be held back or distracted - and I am still not sure about where I am headed in any aspect of life. But… if it is okay with you…” I reach out and gently touch her arm. “I would like to take those six months to think about a few things. I can’t promise anything. But there is a part of me that really wants this to work out.”

Zarya looks at my hand, then at me and is just staring. I think despite all hope she might have had, she never expected this. I am not sure how I should react now and I think neither is she.

“Is that okay with you?” I ask.

“Yes!” she answers and a surprised smile graces her lips. I can’t help but feel a little more excited about this myself. “More than okay! I never-” she stops in mid-sentence, as if this is only just really starting to sink in. I am worried she might think I already said yes, when I haven’t yet. “Can I just give you a hug?” she asks.

Mercy kind of warned me about not to give her what she wants too easily… but I decide that a hug is the most innocent request ever and so I smile and nod. Then I get up before she can and walk to her side of the table. Because she remains sitting, we are at the perfect height for a hug and I slip my arms around her shoulders and hold her. Her arms cross over my back and she squeezes me so tightly and possessively, I am almost worried I _have_ given in to too much. 

But it also feels really good.

\---

Tracer coughs to make me turn around. She is standing by the door with Zarya and gives me an elaborate, exaggarated bow. “Let me show you a trick, Mercy,” she announces. She clears her throat. “Zarya, when is Mei coming back?”

“In four days and 17 hours,” she replies immediately.

I cross my arms and look at her suspiciously. “You did say you are not together and she is still thinking about it, right?” I ask for clarification.

“Right!” Zarya beams. “But her research was really successful, she writes and because your apartment is sold now, guess where she is staying?”

Um Himmelswillen. “Zarya, don’t mess this up, okay?” I scold her preemptively. 

“Already cleared that one!” Tracer cuts in. “Mei is staying on the sofa, Zarya is staying in the bed. See?”

I laugh - somehow this is turning out to be pretty cute. I have no idea what happened to Zarya - where is all this patience suddenly coming from? And she has always been selfless, but not when it comes to her own happiness. In the last six months, she has not only been extremely elated and lead a disturbingly calm life, she has also been super supportive towards Mei, both when her research came to a halt and when it was working great. Never once has she mulled over the fact that Mei left without a better answer than ‘we will see’ to the point where I got worried Zarya might have put more value into this mere possibility than she should have.

However, Zarya has spend so much time relating Mei’s progress and her little stories from her research station to us, people have mistakenly labeled them as partners and Zarya was always the first to clarify that they were not - but that she was hoping for it and was in positive spirits about it. 

I have wondered on more than one occassion whether or not Zarya might be a little too confident that all of this will turn out just as she hopes it will. So of course, with Tracer looking over my shoulder, I did poke Mei via email about all this Zarya-mess and what she expects is going to happen with them.

Her answer would always be that she did not know and that she would wait to come back first. That she was focussing on her research and not anything else. It was hard for us to get anything more than that out of her, but we did spot one little thing in one of her emails:

_“We were out buying supplies and I did a double-take seeing this one woman who just looked way too much like Zarya, if a little smaller in every respect. I was stupidly excited, even though I know she would not likely be here, but it took me quite a while to calm my heart down.”_

That seemed quite promising to us and - needless to say - I am fully on the Zarmei-side of things again, anyway.

\---

I arrive at the airport late in the afternoon and as promised, Zarya is there to pick me up. She gives me such a sweet and happy hug, I feel instantly at home again. The feeling is surreal - haven’t I just spent six months elsewhere? And now, I am here, and it feels so familiar already, Greenland seems forever away.

She insists on carrying all my luggage and I just cannot protest. My big suitcase is filled with heavy winter clothes, research books and notes and some electronic devices, yet she carries it like it is nothing. You’d think one day I would get used to her legendary strength, but it still catches me off guard every now and then.

We talk about how things have been going for her and the team on our way to her apartment. Committing to this - sleeping at her place - took more decision time than I would care to admit. I knew Mercy was not an option and I did not want to interfere with her new living arrangements, but I also did not want to make a false impression. I haven’t seen Zarya in six months - I cannot just fall into a relationship like that. Who knows how six months might have changed us?

She helps me set up in the living room. The sheets she has set out are as green as her eyes. I also notice she has painted all the furniture - so while the styles don’t match, the colors now do - and replaced her pinup posters with framed photography of Siberia. 

“I was going to get new furniture instead of painting it. Or you know - force Satya to make me some - but -eh- I thought I’d wait a while. See what the future will bring.”

Ooph. She is already referencing the possibilities. She might think she is more subtle than she actually is. I choose not to dwell on this and just tell her that I find it is all looking pretty good already. Then I tease her about where she might have hidden the mess that I know she only recently cleaned up to welcome me.

She pouts. “There is no mess anywhere - but don’t open my closet, okay?” She is laughing, of course and am laughing with her. 

“Are you tired? Jet lagged?” she asks.

“I am super-tired,” I admit. “But sleeping won’t help with the jet lag and I’d be blocking your living room.” 

She waves a hand dismissively. “How about you take a nap and I will wake you in an hour. Then you might feel a little better and also have caught some sleep.”

That suggestion is too tempting to not take it and I am in some more comfortable clothes within minute, lay down on the sofa and pass out only moments later.


	17. Dating 2.0

I set my timer on the cellphone to an hour. I think about playing a game or looking up stuff on the computer, but realize that most of the things I would do on a quiet afternoon at home are actually in the living room. I am amused by my own oversight and realize I have about three possibilities - I can either sleep as well - or do other things in bed - read the one book I have on my nightstand, or go out to shop for groceries and cook.

I, of course, decide on the latter. After all Mei might be hungry when she gets up and I want to be ready in case that happens. When I do end up cooking, I do about everything wrong. By the time the meat is fried - charred on the outside and almost raw on the inside - the sauce is cold and the potatoes are partially burned at the bottom. 

Well, I tried. 

To my relief, my cellphone starts buzzing to signal that it is time to wake Mei. I grab the coffee I have prepared to get her back into a more wakeful state and enter the living room as quietly as I can with both my hands full.

I think I could basically have come in with a bulldozer - Mei is out like a light. Poor thing. It will be not too kind to wake her, but I promised. I was hoping the smell of food or coffee would do the trick, but she isn’t even moving. 

I grant myself a moment to watch her quietly in all her slumbering beauty. And she _is_ beautiful. Her cheek has an imprint from the crumpled pillow and her breath is going slowly and steadily. She looks so different without her glasses on, though she still has the same soft hair and skin and such darn kissable looking lips. But I know kissing her is not my place, however much I might want it.

So, instead of following my most pressing desire to kiss her awake, I lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Mei…?” 

Somehow this elates me a little, too. She could have set an alarm clock or something, but she lets me wake her. Sleep is such an intimate, vulnerable state and yet, she asked to let me in on it. Maybe my mind is going crazy with hope, but it’s something so nice to dwell on.

Of course shaking her so gently is completely pointless - she is way too far gone for that to wake her. I caress her hair and try shaking her again, a little more forceful this time - and she finally stirs.

Her eyes open, but heavily so, and she looks at me with so much effort that I feel sorry for her. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Dreadful. I am soooo tired,” she groans. “I did not know it was possible to be this tired…” She cuddles up against the pillow.

“Hey, no more sleep,” I protest. “Fight the jet lag!”

“That nap was a terrible idea…” she groans. I nudge her shoulder with one of the coffee mugs. I am very amused - I can safely say I have never seen her like that. She is always so cheerful - even when she stayed at my place with Mercy, she was elated and lively in the morning. This groaning, slightly grumpy and reluctant Mei is quite a new experience.

“Let me sleep…” she mumbles.

“Not possible!” I say. I feel a little cruel but in the end it’s about what is best for Mei. I pull the blanket off of her so she is no longer warm and comfy. She protests and grabs for it, but it is already out of her reach.

“So cruel…!” she protests.

“I know,” I reply and set her coffee cup down. “I am a terrible human being.” 

“Mmh... that’s right…!” she mumbles sleepily. But it is starting to dawn on her that I will not let her go back to sleep. She rubs over her face and yawns and then, looking more dishevelled than one hour should allow, pulls herself into a sitting position. She drinks the coffee with her eyes still closed and emphasizes that feeling this sleepy is absolutely terrible. 

I agree with her and then convince her to sit at the kitchen table with me and eat some, even though she claims she is not hungry. 

\---

It takes me three days to get off my jetlag, but Zarya is being very helpful, even though I am not exactly a nice person when I don’t get enough sleep. At least as long as I feel tired.

After those three days, I do follow her to the base every day and win back everyone’s trust in my willingness to fight with them without abandoning them. However, it is true that my fighting spirit is a bit rusty. I did not get much training in while doing science and it shows, but I am also reassured by everyone that the strategies, maneuvers and aiming skills I once had will come back to me very quickly.

It does feel good to be back. I have followed one passion and now I have time and opportunity to nurture the other. The team also surprises me with a few improvements to my equipment and Winston is already all over me with new ideas, scientific questions we want to tackle together and wants to know all about my research. He assures me that the lack of scientific understanding our friends have has been burning a hole into his existence that I now need to stuff.

Tracer and Mercy make a badly veiled attempt at asking me about things with Zarya and I brush them off. I cannot talk about something that I have not been able to make my mind up about yet myself.

And Zarya… Zarya surprises me in so many ways. I am leaving her hanging there, concerning our situation, but she is just cheerful and kind and makes sure I feel welcome in her place. We establish an easy routine to make our mornings easy. Zarya has a much harder time getting up than I do, but can easily stay awake at night. So I take care of breakfast and wake her with it. I also fall asleep on the sofa while she is still watching TV and am perfectly okay with that. 

In fact, I like it. The TV is softly singing me to sleep without that I have to bother to wake up to switch it off or set a timer to an unknown time point that will turn it off. And I like not being alone. As the principal researcher in Greenland, I had my own room and a bit of responsibility. But that meant when the heavy snow storms hit, I was in no position to seek out company because I was scared. 

Knowing a lot about snow storms does not make them any less scary - rather the opposite. And having lost almost 9 years because of one is just the icing on the cake. Yet, I felt it would have been ridiculous for the students and other researchers there for their supposed leader to knock on their doors and tell them they are scared. So I had to grit my teeth through those.

But now, I don’t have to fall asleep alone and that is nice. 

We share dinner duties on those days we are forced to make dinner. Zarya is an atrociously terrible cook and I have to teach her the bare basics. But I refuse to cook in her stead and would rather eat everything she messes up in order to make her want to do better. Once she has learned to make the sauce last and what ‘medium heat’ really means, she is not only starting to produce edible things, she is also having much more fun doing so.

One day, as it is my duty, she walks into the kitchen in her usual shorts and sports bra and peeks over my head. “What are you making?”

“Just pasta,” I reply. “I’m too tired to do more.” I stir the sauce and take a finger full to taste it. “Pass me the salt, please?” I instruct, pointing to the counter to my left. 

There is not so much room there because I have put the cleaning bucket in the way after cleaning an earlier accident. Instead of moving it, Zarya squeezes in next to me carefully, an arm around my back to make it easier. It feels nice having her arm around me.

She passes me the salt and gives me a little peck on the head before she slips away again. I watch her leave and I smile. That was really cute.

After dinner, we sit down to watch TV, but Zarya keeps yawning. We had to get up a little earlier this morning because we were doing in-base work for a mission, watching the data and relating it to our team in the field. It was the first time I did such a thing and I was glad for Zarya’s help.

She is not just brute force - she showed me how to be helpful via intercom and what to look for and she was herself doing a really good job. She also assured me that I would get the hang of it myself soon and that it’s just a matter of experience.

“Maybe you should go to sleep early?” I suggest. “You look like you are going to keel off before me and I cannot carry you over,” I joke.

She chuckles. “Mmh.. maybe. I was going to unload the dishwasher… but I guess…” she mumbles, rubbing her eyes.

“I’ll do it. Go ahead and get some rest,” I encourage her and I do as I say as she goes to the bathroom to clean up and then crawl into bed.

When I return to the living room, it is unusually quiet because no one is watching TV. I see my empty sofa-bed and stand in the door, contemplating. I reflect upon the day for a moment - on the fact that we fixed one of “our” broken shelves earlier and then I look at the snow globe I put into Zarya’s shelf, the images of Greenland that have joined those of Siberia and the photo of us at Mercy’s birthday party that I pinned above the sofa. I look at the four plants that are now in the living room - alive - because I keep watering them. Zarya would have killed them within days.

I think of the bathroom, where mine and Zarya’s stuff intermingles. In fact, with some of the stuff I don’t even know whose it is, technically.

I reflect upon the fact that tonight, I am not sleeping with my legs tucked in behind Zarya’s back as she is watching TV and my back turned towards the screen. 

I reflect on the little peck on my head that I received in the kitchen for cooking because it was my turn to cook.

I kind of realize that save for a few formalities and intimacies… we are a couple.

And it’s so silent in the apartment. Zarya’s door is not even closed and she never closes the living room door when she leaves at night. I hear her stir, getting comfortable and I feel a familiar little pull in the pit of my stomach.

I take a last look at the sofa, then I walk into the bathroom quietly and get ready for the night, thinking and wondering what is going to happen next. I look at myself in the mirror as I let my hair down. I have to lean closer to see myself properly because I am no longer wearing my glasses. 

I look like I always do and unsurprisingly, my reflection is not very good at providing any answers. She just stares at me with big eyes, as if asking me “So?”. Not being any wiser, I leave the bathroom and stand in the corridor. The living room is to my left, the bedroom to my right.

I turn and push the door to the bedroom open a little more, gently and silently.

The ray of light is so faint because it is almost dark out and the corridor is only illuminated through the kitchen window. It’s still obvious that the door has moved and Zarya raises her head in surprise.

“Mei…? Is everything okay?” she asks, her voice sounding sleepy.

“Yes…” I reply softly and walk to the bed, then crawl upon it and slip under her blanket. “Just wanted to sleep with my girlfriend tonight.”

She slides her arm under me before I lay down and the other over me. Then she kisses my forehead lightly. “That’s one lucky girlfriend.”

I cuddle up to her and close my eyes, my forehead against her cheek. She holds me and gently caresses my shoulder and sides until I fall asleep.


	18. Kissing 1.0

When I wake up, Mei has rolled away from me. It’s a bit of a pity, really - but a sleeping body is mostly concerned about the right temperature and both blanket and cuddling might have been a little much. 

She is still asleep and I really hope she won’t wake up to a change of heart. A part of me doubts it, another part is irrationally worried. I scoot over and gently pull her back into my arms. She is so light and so warm and soft. 

It wakes her for all of a second, but then she just acknowledges what is happening and closes her eyes to fall back asleep, this time back in my arms. I was too tired yesterday to do what I originally wanted to do - that is, caress and cuddle her all night and try to grasp my luck.

Now I am wide awake and the bedroom is filled with morning light and - at least from my side - happiness. I can’t resist caressing her, of course. I can’t resist kissing her a little, either. Just her forehead and hair. Her scent makes my belly tingle. 

My shamelessly selfish touches and kisses of course end up waking her. She slips an arm around me and lazily rests it there. 

“So,” I whisper. “No change of heart?”

“No. No change of heart,” she replies. 

I take a deep breath and release a huge happy sigh. I gently caress her face and she closes her eyes, enjoying the touches. I run my thumb over her beautiful lips and she greets it with a little kiss. I am absorbed her face, her beauty and the incredible feeling of being able to hold her.

After a little while, she opens her eyes and looks up at me. 

“Hi,” I say stupidly.

“Hi,” she replies and smiles.

My attention is drawn to her lips. I will have to either scoot down or pull her up to reach them. 

Mei’s hand gently caresses my side and it feels just wonderful. It took so long to get here, but somehow I arrived. Now I am nervous I could do anything to mess this up or she might find another reason to change her mind. I’ve never been this insanely nervous about a relationship, but looking at her, how could I not be?

She reaches up and lays her hand on my cheek. It is warm, soft and gentle and I lean into it. “Do you have any idea how happy you are making me right now?” I whisper and gently bump my forehead against hers. 

I really want to kiss her, but forehead-bumping is all I can reach right now.

So I just ask: “Can I kiss you…?” Not knowing myself why I don't just do it. 

“A little,” she replies with a smile and she herself shifts up to be able to reach me, which I take as a yes, even though I don’t exactly understand what she means by ‘a little’.

Our lips meet and I notice she feels very soft and warm. Because she is above me, I lean back and her let crawl a little more on top of me. My body is doing all sorts of weird things - not exactly unfamiliar - but maybe in an unfamiliar way. Everything feels softer and a little more special. The tingle in my lips from the kiss, the little jolts in my stomach… 

I capture her upper lip, my eyes closed. I’ve missed this. I haven’t kissed lately, probably wrecking up a new record on the number of days I have gone without kissing anyone. Either that is the reason why it feels so insanely good right now, or she is. Or both.

I part my lips to capture more of her and when the movements allow it, I gently push the tip of my tongue against her upper lip. 

She gently pulls back, away from my tongue and kisses me on the lips again. 

I build the kiss up again, try to let my tongue play along and get the same results. Undoubtedly, my efforts are getting denied here. I am surprised and a little stumped - am I doing something wrong? Does she maybe not like tongue - what a huge drawback that would be. I have never heard of anyone who wouldn’t.

Without me wanting to, my mind gets distracted by the unanswered question about why I don’t get to tongue-kiss her. If she were mad about it, she would not still be kissing me like she does right now, right? But…. we’ve been doing this a lot now and maybe the next step would be in order? Or not? Or what?

“Mmh…” I mumble. Maybe I need to encourage her more. Maybe she is just shy?

This time, I suck her lower lip into my mouth, softly. I take an extra effort to play with it and she ends up sighing softly, which seems like a really good sign. I brush my tongue against her lower lip with utmost gentleness… and get denied again.

Is there something wrong with my tongue? Or hers?! She does realize what I am trying to do, I hope?!

We return to tongue-free kissing and I am kind of giving up at this point and just letting myself get absorbed in the lip-to-lip contact. It is a little hard because it feels so natural to want to slip my tongue out and I have to remind myself not to, even though I still don’t understand.

She sighs sweetly as we kiss and I decide to caress her back instead of trying to invade her mouth.

After a long moment of kissing and caressing, Mei gently disengages. Even though we only kissed lip-to-lip, I feel appropriately elated. That was quite some nice kissing. 

I still don’t understand the lack of tongue.

“Everything okay?” I ask when I can’t stand the tension of unanswered questions anymore.

“Mh… everything wonderful.” She pecks me on the lips. “You?”

“Great… a little confused, maybe…” I admit.

“Why so confused, girlfriend?” she asks and she sounds almost cheeky. I have the feeling she might know the answer already.

“No tongue?” I ask blatantly.

She runs a hand through my hair, smiling. “I think you got a little too used to rushing things.” She kisses my forehead. “We have lots of time.”

Wait - does that mean no sex? I wonder to myself. Well, maybe not right now, but surely sometime soon, right? I haven’t had sex in what feels like ages and she is too damn sexy - and finally mine…!

She slides out of my arm. “I’m going to get breakfast for us and…. Well, since you are up, you could make coffee?” she suggests and slips away from my arms. 

‘Wait - no!’ I think as I sit up to clear my head and grasp this confusing situation. We just got together and she is literally slipping away from me to make breakfast? Something is not going according to plan here! 

I watch her petite body, her beautiful curves, disappear from my sight through the door. Moments later she pokes her head back in, smiling at me. “Maybe tomorrow will be a good time for tongue…? We’ll see.”

I stare at her as she disappears and flop back onto the bed with a loud thud.

I run my hands through my hair and send a smile at the ceiling that is both desperate, lovesick and layered with disbelief.

This woman is going to drive me nuts with desire. 

\---

The day is sprinkled with kisses. I kiss Zarya in front of the base, after practice, in the kitchen and wherever I run into her. I am sure she is running into me on accident intentionally, but so am I.

I feel I have made the right decision and I make an effort to tell Mercy at an opportune moment so she hears it from me and no one else. 

“Congrats, Mei. I wish you both lots of happiness, then. How is it going so far?”

I smile at her, feeling a tad amused. “I think I am driving Zarya a little insane right now. I’m taking it slow and it’s not exactly her style.”

Mercy giggles. “Like how?”

“I’m not going to give everything right from the start. It’s always been the most enjoyable to explore things bit by bit instead of rushing in.” 

The truth is - I have probably kissed her in 22 different ways today and for a lack of opportunity to do the next easiest thing, Zarya is getting more creative. What started off as her just leaning down to kiss me has already amounted to new things. Earlier, she put me on a chair, then she crouched down to be below me. She has kissed me by standing behind me and turning my head and she has carried me to the kitchen while kissing me, even though we nearly fell.

She has no idea how much control it costs me to not give in - because she also does not give up trying to take things further, of course. She would not be the competitor in sports and battle that she is, if she was someone who gave up so easily.

However, this just gives me opportunity to find creative ways to scold and punish her. From not kissing her for an hour - which is the hardest for me - to just giving her short, sweet little pecks and to simply slapping her shoulder lightly to tell her to behave… I get a lot of fun out of this, and so, evidently, does she, despite all the pouting.

In a last effort to soften my cruel, cruel heart, she resorts to begging me for a tongue kiss. 

I decline.


	19. Lovemaking 1.0

Mei is driving me insane in the sweetest and most nerve-wrecking way, ever. 

It’s not like I don’t see the benefit of taking things slow, but we are both old enough to have gone through every way of doing this with other people and - most importantly - old enough to know how damn good all the other stuff that we are currently _not_ doing, feels. 

Mei doesn’t give in, though, not ever and it makes me long for her even more. Sure, we get to tongue kissing eventually, but then it takes another eternity for us to make out. I have to admit, though, that it’s the sweetest thing when it happens.

It’s evening, and I am just slipping out of my shirt. As per usual, I stand by the bed and toss the shirt on the chair in the corner. Then I dig under the cover until I find whatever shirt I have decided to wear to bed lately and I put that on. I am still with my butt to the bed, when Mei walks in and pulls me by the shirt to kiss me. Since we have advanced a lot further, that one actually is a tongue kiss and I am so glad for it. 

I straighten when she decides she is done and then receive a push to my chest, nearly throwing me off balance. Of course I am not surprised or unbalanced so easily, but her next gentle shove is a definite guide to lay down, so I do, and Mei crawls on top of me.

My heart takes a leap - well, this is new! I slip my arms around her as she straddles me and we start kissing. So far, not too unusual, but eventually her hands are on my sides and over my breasts, making me release a little gasp. Oh yes! _Score!_

I slide my hands to her butt and thighs and she does not stop me. They feel so good, so warm and soft and and I squeeze gently as we make out. After a while of touching and kissing, she rolls to my side and I turn with her, getting a first chance to touch her chest and her breasts. Because they are naturally as big as they are, they feel softer than most boobs of this size that I have ever encountered. 

She gasps when I brush over her nipples, thankful that she is not wearing a bra right now. 

I want this woman even more right now, having such a close encounter with all her curves and all her softness. I know she likes taking it bit by bit, so I take an extra long time to massage her breasts and listen to her sweet little pleasure gasps.

I pull her back on top of me when we are both flushed, hot and bothered. Her pupils are wide and her cheeks so beautifully colored. She kisses me feverishly, chest to chest with me. I slide my hands under her shirt, to her naked sides and nudge my leg between hers.

“Zarya…” she mumbles in a reprimanding tone.

“Whaaat?” I protest. “Come on… you want it, too…!” I coax her. I try to compromise, pull my hands out from under her shirt and going over the fabric instead, but I keep my leg where it is and gently push her hips down. She must liked it - she must feel it and want it, right? How could anyone resist feeling this hot and bothered and receiving the sweet sweet promise of potential fulfillment?

“Zarya…!” That reprimanding tone again, though layered with a gasp. If I play my cards right…

I kiss her neck - something I have been allowed to do since day four - and nibble gently on the flesh, exactly where I know she likes it most. It’s a tiny spot, maybe four centimeters below her ear and a bit to the front. She gasps pleasantly and for the first time ever, I hear a little moan following that sound. That little sound is already enouh to drive me crazy. What other sounds could she potentially make if I do this right...?

I try pushing my leg up again and, to emphasize, release a little pleasant, moany sigh myself.

“Nooooo….” she scolds me and scoots her hips up, away from my leg.

I whine. “Mei, you are killing me…!” 

She kisses me on the lips, half apologizing, half - I am sure of it - amused by my utter horniness. I mean, two days of not doing anything but kissing her lips was hard. Tongue kissing without touching was torture. Now this - making out - _foreplay_ without _play_. How am I supposed to go even a day with such make-out session without getting the whole reward?

I’m going to be the most horny, undersexed woman on the planet. And she will love every second of it, this cruel, sweet, sexy beast. 

And I already know - from past experience - that there is nothing I can do. Her consent is an absolute, undeniable prerequisite for anything to happen and my desire for her is too strong to not try again and again and let her seduce me as far as she is willing to go every time again. She will frustrate me over and over again, and I will come back like a magnet and let her repeat it as often as she wants to.

If her current boundary is having clothed make-out sessions on the bed to the point where I want to tear my pants off with desire, then we are going to have exactly that - and a whole lot of underwear to wash.

She lets our efforts die down for now, resorting to cuddling and caressing. I don’t even know how she does this - she gets me all worked up, puts me into my place, then goes the whole way backwards until we are just where we started several nights ago - just caressing and being happy to be around each other. Except at that time, I am way more horny than I was waking up on our first day and pulling her into my arms. 

I swear, Mei is the best and most frustrating woman I have ever gone out with. And I love her more with every day. And I want her more with every day and the more I experience of her. 

And I am so glad we are not sharing showers right now because the amount of self-sex this shower has seen lately by far exceeds my loneliest times. 

\---

I am in the shower when there is a knock on the door. 

“Mei - can I come in? I just stained the new shirt and I really need the hand wash stuff.”

“Sure, come inside,” I tell her and keep soaping my hair. I have never once locked the bathroom, but Zarya has never found that loophole before. I think she just discovered it, though - and not a moment too soon. I have special plans tonight, though they are not sex. Not exactly.

Zarya busies herself at the sink, taking off her shirt and soaking it. She was on duty for cooking today and probably got grease on it.

I poke my head out from behind the shower curtain. “Hm… are you sure you took everything off the stove before you ran in here?” I ask to make sure.

She yells something in Russian and runs out of the door. I giggle, shake my head and return to the shower. It takes her a few moments to come back and start scrubbing the shirt again - while she is still wearing it. I wonder what she is thinking - she is so close to me, but there is still the shower curtain between us.

I wash the conditioner out of my hair and peek out again. She is just squeezing the water out of the edge of the shirt that she scrubbed. She glances over - I believe she is fully aware that I am there.

“I’ll be out in a moment,” she promises quickly.

“That’s fine,” I say. “Hand me my towel?” I point at the rack where my big fluffy towel is still put up. Normally I get on the bathmat and grab it, but here now is an opportunity to make it a little nicer.

“Uh..sure…” Zarya says, sounding a little unsure. I smile, but when she reaches out to give it to me, I don’t reach back. There are a few moments of silence and then she starts unfolding the towel in all it’s fluffiness. It’s about as tall as I am and I tell her she needs to turn it sideways or I will step on it.

She blinks and turns it and holds it out to me, spread. I step out of the shower and let her wrap me in it - and in her arms on top of that. She kisses my lips and looks at me like she just won the lottery. 

“You look so royal in your towel,” she laughs and keeps rubbing me dry. I smile and let her dry every part the towel can reach while I am wrapped in it. I slip into my undies while still wearing it and then take it off to put my shirt on.

Zarya is trying her best to not stare at me. She is walking around in boxers and sports bras all the time, but I am not exactly the type. And, after all, still a little shy. She has literally not seen me without a shirt on before. Despite being a little embarrassed, I do like giving her these little moments because her reactions are just too sweet and I feel incredibly flattered by how much she enjoys them. She helps me get into my shirt.

“You are gorgeous…!” she says before she slips it over my head, and her voice makes it clear how much she means it. 

I wonder whether she realizes that my appreciation for her body, her excitement and every new part of her I explore, and her appreciation for every bit of me that she gets, could never be like this if we had just rushed into things. 

I think as much as she might whine when I lead our activities, she must be aware of how special anything is that you can’t just have right away. True, we might have discovered each other’s sensitive spots and personal likes over time, but we might also have missed a lot because we would always have been able to move on if we ran out of ideas. Now she knows where I like being kissed and I know which touches get her especially excited.

“You are the one with the trained body, though,” I smile up at her. 

“But yours is made of such natural beauty. And I love every part of it.” She is looking all giddy still and I love it. I think she has become a pro at not missing opportunities and probably took a good look before she wrapped me in my towel. That itself is a little embarrassing and I try not to dwell on it. After all, that is a part of Zarya I have yet to see…

I take her hand in mine. “Are you hungry yet?”

She grins. “For food? Not so much.” Her gaze wanders over my chest and my hips without even pretending anything else. “I am hungry for other things, but you know that.”

I chuckle because in that respect, she is insatiable. “Mmhh… and if you could, you would just eat me up.”

She smirks as she follows me into the bedroom, lead by my hand. “I think the term is ‘eat you out’.”

I clear my throat, blushing a little and then pull her onto the bed without commenting on her remark. She follows me with comfortable ease and starts kissing me.

“How much are you going to frustrate me today, huh?” she teases me. She could always refuse to engage in this in the first place, but of course she never does. But I don’t plan on being too frustrating today - but she cannot know that.


	20. Lovemaking 2.0

We are enjoying sweet kisses and touches and she ends up being very amused when she takes my shirt - after all she only recently put that on me in the bathroom. I giggle with her and take hers as well. She laughs even more when I can’t get her sports bra over her head.

“Just blindfold me with it,” she suggests and shoves it over her eyes. “There. For peeking at you.” She clumsily tries to find my mouth, all blindfolded, making me giggle even more. 

I end up freeing her of it eventually and kiss her for real. I feel so comfortable and happy here - she is so much fun when we are playing on the bed because she does not take herself or what we are doing so insanely seriously. 

Maybe that is what drew those other women to her - this fun-loving spirit that doesn’t go away just because people get intimate. But I don’t want to think about those. It’s us now, here and right now, Zarya has her lips on my naked breasts and it feels so good. 

I moan softly, demanding more of that attention and she flicks her tongue against my nipple, making me moan again. I let her play for a while and today, she makes no effort to cross any boundaries I have set for us. I find that incredibly sweet and I decide it deserves reward.

I sit up and reverse our roles, gently pushing her to her back. I catch a glimpse of her face - a moment of wonder and excitement because she knows, if I take control like that, something is going to happen. She lays down against her pillow and looks at me as I settle on top of her and return to kissing her. She puts her hand to the small of my back and kisses me, while the other runs over my arm very sweetly. 

I scoot down bit by bit - I want to surprise her after all. I am kissing her chest and her breasts to make up for the loss of lips - I am just way too short to manage that on her. She mumbles my name as I kiss her breasts.

Then I shift my leg to slide between hers, my thigh pressing against her softly. She gasps and pushes her hips up. The one leg I am straddling raises, moving between my legs. It feels good to feel her there and I am very excited. 

“You’re wet…” she mumbles. 

“So are you…” I reply breathily. Despite all the orchestrating I am doing in our bed, Zarya is still by far more experienced than me. And she knows exactly what she is doing. This is why it is so incredibly difficult to keep it slow with her because though she might not know it, I have wanted a lot of things that she wanted quite a lot myself. 

But if she knew how close I am so very often to letting her have her way, we’d have ended up doing a lot of things by now without appreciating the lighter sides of lovemaking. Right now, though, the pressure of her leg, the movement and the rolling of her hips are quite perfect and I am already moaning unstoppably.

It feels unbelievably good, even though it is just grinding. I lay my head down on her chest and grasp the bed sheets next to her. This is going a lot faster than I expected it to.

She, too, is gasping and releasing soft moans, looking into my eyes and using her hand to simply push my thigh where she wants it. I don’t refuse her wishes this time as they are completely congruent with my plans. 

“Oh Mei…!” she moans, her pants getting even more wet. “Please tell me you are not going to stop us this time…!”

I could not if I wanted to, but she does not know that. “Mh… no stopping…” I assure her. She is squirming, pushing her hips against my thigh and her thigh against my crotch. One of her hands is on my shoulder, the other still on my leg, helping me please her. 

It’s hot and wet and sexy and I feel how quickly she has me completely at her mercy. I am moaning with every move now and she returns her own moans in turn. 

“Mei… I could make it so much better…!” she tries to coax me. She always does it when I get most worked up, when I am at my weakest - because right now, even I can imagine all the incredible things she and I could be doing other than grinding, and it’s seriously intriguing. It's not what I have decided is in order today. I think all this - looking into each others eyes and shifting and rubbing - is a lot already. We can have more another time.

“Nh… Zarya…!” I want to reprimand her for trying to convince me to go further than allowed, but it sure does not come out that way. The hand on my thigh wanders, from there to my hip and then my crotch, reaching under me to where her thigh touches me. She wedges her hand between us and curls her fingers against my pants. Two or three touches and she finds exactly the right spot - exactly where her fingers want to poke me and I shudder with delight. I have made my calculations without Zarya's experience in mind.

“Ah.. there is more… so much more, Mei,” she coaxes again. Her palm brushes hard against my crotch and i can feel my clit slide over the firmness of strong hand. I shudder again, moaning out, losing my grip and control and also my footing on the bed.

\----

I sense my chance - if I go too far, she is going to come and that will make her able to think more clearly again. I cheer myself on to unpack every trick, every little twist I know to get what I want. I am this close to making her forget her impeccable morals about taking it slow.

Mei is, by far, the hardest nut I have ever cracked, but my mind is totally set on making her feel so good, she won’t regret my boldness. I hold my finger against that sweet spot and let her move, my palm still between us. 

She is breathing heavily, her cheeks are red and her pyjama pants are already soaked. I am really horny myself, but it is time to focus on Mei right now. She is squirming, seeking something - friction - and I am fully aware that what she wants is my palm rubbing her again. But this time, I am the one not giving her what she needs - and I see her building frustration.

It’s not payback, even if it may look that way. 

“You can get more friction without the pants in the way,” I let her know and tug on the drawstrings. She looks conflicted for a moment - evidently, that is not on the program. I shift my palm a little, giving her just a little of what she needs and she shudders and gasps and pushes her hips down hard. 

She does not know that I am purposely nurturing her frustration. I could well make her come right now. Every woman works a little differently in that respect, but Mei’s reactions are quick at giving away what I need to know. But I won't. Not yet.

When I pull down her pyjama pants and grab her undies in the process as well, she does not stop me. For the first time, I have broken one of her barriers and it elates me to no end. She kicks all of those garments off and is on top of me with glorious nakedness. 

I drink in her beauty and let her settle her wet self on my hand. My finger slips between the fold of her crotch, feeling the slick warmth there. She feels so nice, so hot and so very soft there. I just want to run my fingertips over her soft outer labia, though one of my fingers is already between them.

“Zarya…!” she is moaning and writhing so sweetly on top of me. I myself have calmed down a little, mostly because I am enjoying her so much and am concentrating on her pleasure rather than my own, as I like doing. 

I carefully fathom her reactions and am quick to withdraw from anything that causes particularly strong moans or twitches, though I am taking mental notes of what particular moves and touches make her most excited. 

She is bucking and moaning and I am starting to realize the danger of her getting it done all by herself. I gently nudge her hips, away from me.

“No... Zarya…!” she says half in shock at being stopped. But she no longer sounds like she is commanding anything - so I have her exactly where I need her to be. 

“All good,” I assure her. “Lay down.” I pat the bed and she lays down on her back, breathing heavily, her cheeks red with desire and her nose sweaty from her grinding efforts. God, I really could just eat her up right now - so cute and horny and hot. 

I gently stroke her belly, lying next to her, stroking downwards. “Shh… calm down, Mei… not yet,” I say gently. She is squirming and gasping still. I keep caressing her, anywhere but her crotch. She has done it to me a million times - working me up without finishing me, she can deal with this now - for the glorious end I am planning on giving her. Also... there is a lot still to explore - we cannot finish yet.

I feel so damn comfortable playing with a woman in my bed, I love it. It’s not like the women I have been with were not all special in their own ways - but Mei, in particular, is the most precious ever. Because beyond feeling so sure about myself pleasing her, so confident in my abilities, in the back of my mind, another Zarya seems to sit, drinking her in and running circles of lovestruck joy at the sight of her. Like this - worked up, horny and finally willing to let me take the lead, she is all the more beautiful.

She calms down a little, and I am hoping that she will not suddenly start rethinking letting me do what I am doing. I hurry a little to nudge her legs apart and kiss her above her crotch. She gasps and squirms, but she is not nearly as hot and horny anymore as she was when I pulled her off of me. Good - I need her to squirm and desire a lot longer. I don't do quickies, after all - especially not in a precious moment such as this one.

I cup my mouth over her, tasting her for the first time and loving it. She gasps and her cute voice just gets me - it makes me all horny.

Well, I hope Mei has planned a lot of time for tonight's make out session because we'll need it. There are so many ways to play that I have fantasized about with her and this time, being in the lead, I am using the chance to make them real. And Mei has stopped retaliating - she is so worked up and horny, it's all she can do. I love it - I love her. Like this and in any other way.

She might have thought that we might run out of special moments if she gave it all away... but we won't. This is _my_ playing field now and Mei will, over time, learn every game we can play on it. 

"Zarya..." she moans as my tongue finds the way into the folds between her legs. "Don't stop..."

"Oh, I am just getting started..." I grin. 

And that's the truth.

THE END


End file.
